In case it hasn't been made obvious enough, you can probably tell I might not be the easiest pregnant person to live with. Especially during first trimester (or let's be honest, basically until a baby continually gives me reassurance with kicks or actually let's be REALLY honest, until the baby is in my arms), I am a DI-SAS-TER. #MyCrazy is in full swing during this time.
You can go back through old blogs while I was pregnant with Nolan and Judah and also when I was pregnant with Carter to see the pattern- losing sleep, checking to see if I'm bleeding a million times a day, constantly worrying, etc.
In October, I hit a really rough patch- mentally. I had my 12 week appointment to which I did not score an ultrasound (even though I tried and actually also cried) and I was going to have to go another four weeks until I was next given any reassurance that things were okay. That feels like ETERNITY TO ME. I completely lost it one day and poor Josh was the receiver of my breakdown (as he usually is). I was feeling like I wasn't taking good enough care of myself, I was getting frustrated with the three boys I had outside my belly, and felt like my behavior was affecting the baby. This is #MyCrazy ladies and gentlemen- totally irrational, but very effective. Once she comes out swinging, I can't turn it off.
Josh was at a loss- nothing he could say or do would make me feel better and he couldn't give me what I really needed, which was reassurance that the baby was okay... or could he...
While searching on Amazon, he found an at-home Doppler- something we could use to check the baby's heartbeat. We've looked into these before but know they don't work nearly as well as the ones at the doctor's office. Those cause me to panic enough as it it so we both decided getting one for us during previous pregnancies would probably do more harm than good. But what else could he do? I had lost it. So, after reading a lot of reviews, he put the best-seeming one in the cart and hit "purchase."
It arrived on Halloween. I cried when I received it. THIS was going to help me.
Josh, the saint that he is, knew that I was going to need some healthy parameters around this new tool. We decided that I could only use it once a week- checking it every day or multiple times every day (which is what I probably would've done being left to my own devices) wasn't going to do me any good and wasn't healthy. And so it began...
|The Doppler with gel|
As the weeks have progressed, however, checking the heartbeat became easier and easier, which allowed this Doppler to truly be a gift. Josh and I listening to the heartbeat, together, has really given us some special moments. Nolan, Judah, and Carter have now all heard the heartbeat multiple times. We can now hear kicks and movements as he/she is swimming around. The Doppler has also truly provided me with some reassurance in between the weeks where I could do nothing and know nothing about how #HundtBaby4 was doing. All in all, this device has truly helped me.
|N, J, and C with #HundtBaby4|
I don't know that this is the right gift for others, but Josh, I can reassure you that it's been the right gift for me. Thank you, thank you.
|Boys with #HundtBaby4~ End of November (17 weeks)|