Yellow Day
I want my boys to love and respect each other, (and all humans, animals, and things on this planet for that matter). I feel like Josh and I, as well so many other parents, hold high expectations for the way siblings need to treat one another. Siblings should be your number one cheerleaders, encouragers, supporters. No matter how hard we all try, it seems inevitable that siblings will argue with one another- that things will seem 'unfair,' that it will always be someone else's turn, that things were always 'mine first.'
Josh and I have tried lots of different things to try to defuse and facilitate appropriate interactions and problem-solving techniques between our boys. We try to let them sort it out on their own as much as possible, set timers if requested, to help people know when to take turns, acknowledge feelings, and have a couple one-liners that we say CONSTANTLY: "We only hug and kiss our brothers." and "Everyone deserves your kind words no matter what."
While these all help and are well-intentioned, they certainly do not work all the time.
Over the last little while, our boys have been "fighting" about things that I wasn't quite ready for, but should've seen coming based on my own experience having four siblings- where they can sit at the table, what kinds of plates, cups, bowls, silverware the use (particularly which color), and recently, where to sit in the car...
My four siblings and I fought incessantly about where to sit in our van. No one wanted the middle, and there would be plenty of arguments about who was stuck in the "way way back" and don't even get me STARTED on who got the front seat. We would race to the car as fast as possible while pushing and knocking over people and things to get what we wanted and certainly were driving our parents crazy. My mom ended up making a schedule, written on grid paper probably, that was kept in the van glove compartment so we always knew where we were supposed to sit. No more arguments. Definitely extreme, but definitely needed. Respect!
Recently, we purchased a new car- a Chevy Traverse! Having a third row has been awesome for our family; stuffing all five of us in our Saturn Vue was working, but it was a tight squeeze :)
Inevitably, the boys wanted to experiment with seat placement and, as it turns out, the very back is the favorite location.... of all three of them...
Even though I should've known what was about to happen, the insane arguing and tears that followed smacked me at how quickly they took over my daily life. I was dreading going to Target or something knowing what would ensue before we had even pulled out of the driveway.
I knew something needed to change- I did not follow in my mom's footsteps to map out a schedule on paper, but instead, I facilitated started something in our house that we call a "Yellow Day," which was inspired by Judah.
Judah has loved yellow for as long as I can remember. It's a great sunshiny color, which is perfect for his sunshiny personality. For a long time, he always got the yellow cup or shirt or paper- it was a given. Eventually, though, two other boys wanted in on all the yellow-ness and the bickering began about THAT too- "I want the yellow cup!" "Carter got the yellow piece of paper last time!" "Why does Judah always get the yellow stuff?!"
I don't even know the exact moment when this "Yellow Day" thing began, but it has now become a very important part of our every day...
When it's your "Yellow Day" you get to have the yellow place setting stuff and are also often the first to choose things when a choice is appropriate. You might get to pick who sits next to you at dinner (Daddy is always the hot commodity there), or settle a dispute of what playground we are going to try, or, lately, which seat you get in the car. Everyone knows when their "Yellow Day" is- even Carter has his figured out ;) Boys get excited for each other instead of being bummed out when it isn't their day. It has helped keep peace and love in my house.
I'd like to take credit for this idea, but I smile here thinking that it actually had nothing to do with me. It's amazing how empowered even tiny humans can be when you stop trying to control their every move and every decision (totally guilty of this, it's My Crazy after all).
The beauty of this was how organically it morphed into a supportive way to keep a little lid on daily bickering- all starting from a little nugget's love for a sun-shiny color, which has added a lot more sun into our home.
Nolan, Judah, and Carter also know that Mommy loves to have lots of "Yellow Days" in her week- they are any day that I get to spend with my three boys <3
Josh and I have tried lots of different things to try to defuse and facilitate appropriate interactions and problem-solving techniques between our boys. We try to let them sort it out on their own as much as possible, set timers if requested, to help people know when to take turns, acknowledge feelings, and have a couple one-liners that we say CONSTANTLY: "We only hug and kiss our brothers." and "Everyone deserves your kind words no matter what."
While these all help and are well-intentioned, they certainly do not work all the time.
Over the last little while, our boys have been "fighting" about things that I wasn't quite ready for, but should've seen coming based on my own experience having four siblings- where they can sit at the table, what kinds of plates, cups, bowls, silverware the use (particularly which color), and recently, where to sit in the car...
My four siblings and I fought incessantly about where to sit in our van. No one wanted the middle, and there would be plenty of arguments about who was stuck in the "way way back" and don't even get me STARTED on who got the front seat. We would race to the car as fast as possible while pushing and knocking over people and things to get what we wanted and certainly were driving our parents crazy. My mom ended up making a schedule, written on grid paper probably, that was kept in the van glove compartment so we always knew where we were supposed to sit. No more arguments. Definitely extreme, but definitely needed. Respect!
Recently, we purchased a new car- a Chevy Traverse! Having a third row has been awesome for our family; stuffing all five of us in our Saturn Vue was working, but it was a tight squeeze :)
Inevitably, the boys wanted to experiment with seat placement and, as it turns out, the very back is the favorite location.... of all three of them...
Even though I should've known what was about to happen, the insane arguing and tears that followed smacked me at how quickly they took over my daily life. I was dreading going to Target or something knowing what would ensue before we had even pulled out of the driveway.
I knew something needed to change- I did not follow in my mom's footsteps to map out a schedule on paper, but instead, I facilitated started something in our house that we call a "Yellow Day," which was inspired by Judah.
Judah has loved yellow for as long as I can remember. It's a great sunshiny color, which is perfect for his sunshiny personality. For a long time, he always got the yellow cup or shirt or paper- it was a given. Eventually, though, two other boys wanted in on all the yellow-ness and the bickering began about THAT too- "I want the yellow cup!" "Carter got the yellow piece of paper last time!" "Why does Judah always get the yellow stuff?!"
I don't even know the exact moment when this "Yellow Day" thing began, but it has now become a very important part of our every day...
When it's your "Yellow Day" you get to have the yellow place setting stuff and are also often the first to choose things when a choice is appropriate. You might get to pick who sits next to you at dinner (Daddy is always the hot commodity there), or settle a dispute of what playground we are going to try, or, lately, which seat you get in the car. Everyone knows when their "Yellow Day" is- even Carter has his figured out ;) Boys get excited for each other instead of being bummed out when it isn't their day. It has helped keep peace and love in my house.
I'd like to take credit for this idea, but I smile here thinking that it actually had nothing to do with me. It's amazing how empowered even tiny humans can be when you stop trying to control their every move and every decision (totally guilty of this, it's My Crazy after all).
The beauty of this was how organically it morphed into a supportive way to keep a little lid on daily bickering- all starting from a little nugget's love for a sun-shiny color, which has added a lot more sun into our home.
Nolan, Judah, and Carter also know that Mommy loves to have lots of "Yellow Days" in her week- they are any day that I get to spend with my three boys <3
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