The Luckiest No Matter What!

This post is honestly embarrassing for me to write. The last day of 2017 began, for me, at 5:24am.  I wish I could say that was atypical, abnormal, a fluke, but alas- it is my new normal for about the last six months. I need to start by complimenting my boys on the things, sleep related, that they do SO well. My boys have never fought going to bed- our bedtime routines have been consistent, positive, and a well-oiled machines since they were very very small.  They go to bed, fairly early, willingly.  They do not come into our room to sleep with us in our bed... ever.  They do not wake up in the middle of the night.  They have never fought taking a nap.  I'm knocking on wood as I write all these things...  Nolan and Judah have always been earlier risers- they've never slept past 7:00am... like ever.  But, something happened to Nolan and Judah where they began waking up about an hour earlier than they had previously done for at least the last ...

Since being "out" with the pregnancy of our fourth child, I've received all kinds of questions, comments, and reactions.  Some of them have seemed typical things people say such as as wondering when I was due.  Others have seemed a little more specific to this particular pregnancy.  Either way, because of "My Crazy," I always feel a bit awkward talking about a pregnancy out loud as if I'm jinxing it in someway.   Please don't misunderstand, I am SO over the moon excited, grateful, and completely in awe of the honor of being pregnant.  There have been many moments where I didn't think I'd ever get  pregnant, even more still where I didn't think I'd ever stay  pregnant, and just as many where I didn't feel like Josh and I could ever do this pregnancy thing on our own without lots of medical interventions.  You don't go through all the infertility and miscarriage heartache without being one of the most appreciative pregnant people ...

Start of 2nd Trimester: 13 Weeks: October 19th, 2014 As the first trimester comes to a close, I was thinking about the differences and similarities between this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Nolan and Judah.  So far in this pregnancy, things were very similar to when I was pregnant with Nolan and Judah.  My cravings were similar: cheese (especially Mac N' Cheese this time).  I went through an incredibly tired period around 11-12 weeks where I could barely make it up to when the boys went to bed and I napped almost every time they took their second nap, and, of course, I was fairly terrified, all the time. There were two differences I can note, which were a bit surprising to me considering this pregnancy I only have one baby in there instead of two: I have been more nauseous and much bigger.    The nauseous thing has been okay for the most part.  As I wrote about when I was pregnant with N & J, I actually like being sick...

February 2013: Weeks 25-28 Here are some highlights from the month of February... Monday February 4th: Discuss future (24 weeks, 6 days) I finally discussed maternity leave plans out loud with people other than Josh.  I beat my signed deadline on this (thank you very much!) and it felt good to start to get plans into motion.  I knew that I would definitely be off of work by May 1stish (I'd be 37 weeks then), but put it out there that it could be as early as spring break (34ish weeks) depending on how I was doing.  Research shows that about 50% of twins are born between 34 and 36 weeks so I needed to be smart with my planning ahead.  Saturday February 9th: Hiccups! (25 weeks, 4 days) Josh's cousin Alesa is also having twins.  She's due in early April.  It was so nice to go to her baby shower and see some of the things she was getting and had registered for since Josh and I hadn't even begun to think about doing that (let's be serious here, that is com...

January 2013:  Weeks 21-24 As  I continue to get behind on what I'm posting, I thought I would roll things together by month and reflect on the highlights of that month during the pregnancy.  Thursday January 10th:  My Dad's B-day (21 weeks, 2 days) While we were over at my parent's house having cake and ice cream, my mom and my youngest sister Rachel got to feel the babies kick!  Sunday January 13th: THE FALL (21 weeks, 5 days) Josh and I were having a conversation as I began to make my way down our basement stairs.  Apparently, I was focused too much on what we were talking about and not enough of paying attention to my walking and I tripped and fell down some of the stairs.  My ENTIRE focus as I felt like I was falling in slow motion, was to land on anything but my abdomen region.  I grabbed the railing right away and used my arms to try to lift up my butt in hopes to lesson the fall to my back.  Luckily, I fell on the bac...

CO-WORKERS: December 7th, 2012 (16 Weeks, 4 Days) I have to say, and will continue to say, that I keep this big secret not because I don't trust people, not because I don't want people that I care about to know, but because of my own issues in my own head.  My own crippling fear.  With that being said... I was "out" to my family and now it was December 7th, my work Christmas Party and this was a deadline I had signed about when to "out" myself at work about the pregnancy. I decided the best way to do this was to wear a tight shirt so that my little babies bump could tell the news for me.  Then maybe people would just start seeing it and just make their own conclusions and I would never have to say a thing...sounds great! So...Josh and I get to the party and I make him drive around the block at least three times before I have the courage to go in.  We park, get out, and enter greeting everyone. My coat is still on at this point.  Josh asks me,...

December 28th, 2012: 19 weeks, 4 days The day if FINALLY here!  We made it to our 20 week appointment, the big ultrasound!  The babies were amazing!!!!!!!!!  They were moving and huge and unlike anything we have ever seen.  BABY A STATS: In the 62 percentile, 160 heartbeat Baby A: Profile Baby A: Profile Baby A's Hand covering its face :)  Please stop taking pictures of me!  BABY B STATS: In the 60th percentile, 155 heartbeat Baby B: Profile Baby B: Profile Baby B's Feet: They were crossed facing the top of my belly :)  ME: 20 Weeks!!!!!!! Josh: 20 Weeks and Sick :( Big Milestone!  So thankful! Keep hoping...Keep praying...

December 26th: 19 weeks, 2 days Today is the anniversary of Josh and my first date which took place December 26th, 2000.  On that night, Josh came over, we sledded in my cul-da-sac on huge hill of snow, and watched In the Army Now .  We also had our first kiss.  12 years later, on that same day, while watching TV, I thought I felt a kick on the outside in the lower left part of my stomach while Josh was at work.  I have never felt something like that and was so hopeful that was really what I was feeling, but tried not to get my hopes up.  Later that night, after saying our nightly prayers, I asked the babies, "Did you really kick me today?"  I swear I felt a little wack to the left of my belly button.  Josh felt it too!  Could it be?  That little reassure I've been getting on the inside that things are okay with the babies could be happening on the outside?!  My heart could not have swelled any bigger.  The fact that...

December 25th: 19 Weeks Josh and I have a Christmas journal that we write in every year.  It was something we found at Bronner's.  There are questions in there about what family gatherings took place, what food was served, what gifts were exchanged.  We always put a picture in there too each year of our tree and gifts.  I leafed through the past couple of years and although there was a lot of joy and A LOT to be thankful for, last year's journal carried with it a lot of sadness.  We wrote about the baby we had lost and the fact that it was our first Christmas without my brother.  We wrote about our desire to be parents and our hopelessness about ever getting there.  It was honest, but not exactly a typical journal about Christmas.  This year's Christmas was special.  While I did not want any gifts for the babies (still way too far away from them getting here for something crazy like that).  I did ask my family for maternity ...

Thursday November 22, 2012: 14 weeks 3 days So, I'm 14 weeks now and we have been continuing to keep this pregnancy a secret.  No one but our immediate family and a few close friends has been privy to our good news over the last three months.  I know people who have kept up with Josh and I on our journey to become parents are not surprised by our (well mostly my) secrecy.  I am still terrified all the time waiting for the bad news to come.  To tell the world out loud that we are pregnant and pregnant with twins would be the ultimate relinquishing of control, which is my biggest enemy to faith.  If those words get said out loud, I cannot take them back, I cannot know the conversations that might take place away from my presence, and I cannot shake the feeling that I would be jinxing myself and these babies if I am honest.  We decided we were going to share our news on Thanksgiving....what more could we be thankful for?!  It seemed like th...