The Luckiest No Matter What!

End of October: 13 weeks pregnant with #HundtBaby4 In case it hasn't been made obvious enough, you can probably tell I might not be the easiest pregnant person to live with.  Especially during first trimester (or let's be honest, basically until a baby continually gives me reassurance with kicks or actually let's be REALLY honest, until the baby is in my arms), I am a DI-SAS-TER.  #MyCrazy is in full swing during this time. You can go back through old blogs while I was pregnant with Nolan and Judah and also when I was pregnant with Carter to see the pattern- losing sleep, checking to see if I'm bleeding a million times a day, constantly worrying, etc.   In October, I hit a really rough patch- mentally.  I had my 12 week appointment to which I did not score an ultrasound (even though I tried and actually also cried) and I was going to have to go another four weeks until I was next given any reassurance that things were okay.  That feels like ETERNITY T...

End of August and September: 4-7 weeks pregnant with #HundtBaby4 After lots of years of searching, I think I've finally found my favorite exercise avenue- spinning.  The pace is fast, the music is fantastic, and I leave there exhausted and sweaty. I had been spinning since last April and was to the point now where I was all in- I asked for bike shoes for my birthday, work out clothes with words about spinning, and was looking forward to continuing to push myself and get more and more in shape.  When I found out I was pregnant at the end of August, I made a commitment to myself that this pregnancy was going to be different. If I was lucky enough to get a chance to do this pregnancy thing one more time, I was going to have a different type of pregnancy- a calmer one, a less frantic one, one that I could really enjoy and relish instead of worry and fret.  I was also going to take better physical care of myself.   Because of #mycrazy, when I've gotten preg...

Since being "out" with the pregnancy of our fourth child, I've received all kinds of questions, comments, and reactions.  Some of them have seemed typical things people say such as as wondering when I was due.  Others have seemed a little more specific to this particular pregnancy.  Either way, because of "My Crazy," I always feel a bit awkward talking about a pregnancy out loud as if I'm jinxing it in someway.   Please don't misunderstand, I am SO over the moon excited, grateful, and completely in awe of the honor of being pregnant.  There have been many moments where I didn't think I'd ever get  pregnant, even more still where I didn't think I'd ever stay  pregnant, and just as many where I didn't feel like Josh and I could ever do this pregnancy thing on our own without lots of medical interventions.  You don't go through all the infertility and miscarriage heartache without being one of the most appreciative pregnant people ...

Back in August/September/October 2014 This baby is so special since we were able to conceive of him/her on our own.  This gave us some freedom we didn't have before because people didn't really know we were trying.  This also gave us the gift of being able to tell people how/when we wanted since people weren't asking and checking in with us.  Here's the low-down of what we did... PAVONAS How we told my mom: -On the phone --> not special necessarily,  but I couldn't keep that secret in long; someone has to be around to listen to me worry incessantly besides Josh :)  I told her reasons why I decided not to go running and the pregnancy was the last thing I mentioned, which totally caught her off guard! How we told my dad: -I wrote it on the memo line of a check I was writing to him at the end of August.  He didn't have his glasses so he made me read it out loud to him. How we told my sisters: -I found out I was pregnant right around the whol...

Start of 2nd Trimester: 13 Weeks: October 19th, 2014 As the first trimester comes to a close, I was thinking about the differences and similarities between this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Nolan and Judah.  So far in this pregnancy, things were very similar to when I was pregnant with Nolan and Judah.  My cravings were similar: cheese (especially Mac N' Cheese this time).  I went through an incredibly tired period around 11-12 weeks where I could barely make it up to when the boys went to bed and I napped almost every time they took their second nap, and, of course, I was fairly terrified, all the time. There were two differences I can note, which were a bit surprising to me considering this pregnancy I only have one baby in there instead of two: I have been more nauseous and much bigger.    The nauseous thing has been okay for the most part.  As I wrote about when I was pregnant with N & J, I actually like being sick...

Friday September 5th, 2014: 6 weeks, 5 days One of my best friends is a nurse, who worked in an OBGYN doctor's office and she shall remain nameless in case she could ever get busted for this ;) Anyway, she shared a trick with me after I was pregnant with Nolan and Judah.  She said that if/when I ever get pregnant again, to play dumb with my OBGYN doctor's office and pretend NOT to know when my last period was.  She said they would give me an ultrasound to see how big the baby is to help determine a due date.  You all know from my subsequent pregnancies that ultrasounds are truly the ONLY thing to give 'my crazy' a rest.  I was lucky enough and crazy enough to get a whopping  17 ultrasounds while pregnant with Nolan and Judah.  I even kept an appointment with my OBGYN that I didn't need because I was going down to Ann Arbor to have an ultrasound that very same week.  Seriously, I'm obsessed.... like real obsessed.  I am also wise...

November 6, 2012: 12 Weeks Finally, after not being sure my sanity could wait a second longer... Finally, after many mornings and evenings crying tears of worry and fret... Finally, after four weeks of roller coaster emotions (including passing the due date of our second pregnancy/miscarriage)... We found ourselves at Lansing OBGYN for my 12 week appointment.  THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! This appointment, from what I was told, was a time to weigh me, take my blood pressure, have my urine tested, and hear the babies' heartbeats on a Doppler. When the nurse called us back she first asked me how I was feeling.  I still continue to be uncomfortable with that question because I want to answer: grateful, appreciative, thankful.  I don't want to say nauseous or exhausted because those things are not even a blip on my radar.  I just want to still be pregnant, no matter what, the.end.  I answered her, "pretty good."  Josh sort of coughed next to me.  ...

End of October/Early November 2012: Somewhere in Limbo, waiting for week 12 doctor's appointment People always talk about weird pregnancy eating habits during first trimester.  The very few people in our life that know we are pregnant always ask me how I'm feeling and ask me about food and what I've been eating.  I decided to write this blog so that I could remember how I've been feeling in these early stages and what's been going on with me and food :) I've definitely had interesting 'anytime' sickness.  I haven't been able to pinpoint a pattern, but there are times throughout the day, several, where I do not feel great.  I haven't puked, thank God, and I honestly don't see myself doing that.  I would do just about ANYTHING to avoid throwing up.  I do find myself not feeling great right before and right after eating.  The during part of eating has been strange too.  I will be enjoying a feast of something and then suddenly, I will hav...

Late October 2012: In Limbo Waiting for 12 Week Doctor's Appointment So this week, I was extra exhausted for some reason.  I'm hoping that means that the babies are doing some serious growing! :)  Because I am an extreme control freak, I have tried to find things within this pregnancy that I can control since there is so much that I cannot.  One thing I can control is how much rest I'm getting.  I have been going to bed super early, sometimes even in the 8s, and have allowed myself the occasional nap if I accidentally fall asleep watching TV or something.  This week though, I napped every single day after school!  It was glorious! I feel like I'm letting my body do something it obviously needs and that I am helping the babies while doing it.  These naps have also helped offset how much I'm waking up in the middle of the night worrying so I embrace them!  Keep praying...Keep hoping...

Week of October 25th, 2012: 9 Weeks I am a basketcase....a certified crazy basketcase... I'm having a heck of a hard time not getting seen by a doctor this week.    The most difficult part of leaving our last appointment (at 8 weeks) was knowing that we would not have another appointment until week 12.  This could bring tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  It will have been the longest we weren't seen by a doctor, unless we were on a break from medicine, in well over two years.  No ultrasounds, no reassurance, nothing.  Lord help me!  This time is dragging by slower than I ever imagined time to drag.  I'm constantly paranoid, constantly scared, constantly worried.  I honestly think the biggest struggle is this fact... 9 weeks is as long as I've ever made it pregnant.  This realization, this fact, is haunting me day in and day out. to the point where I am not even sleeping well. I don't know how "normal" pregnan...

October 9th, 2012: 8 weeks We are back at Lansing OBGYN for another checkup.  We were kinda sneaky and tried to play Sparrow and U of M so that we could see our babies and hear their heartbeats as often as possible during this early time especially since I had been bleeding in right before week 6.  This appointment, since we were just at U of M, was not technically necessary, but we kept it anyway..DUH!  I have no family pictures to show because we didn't get to take any home at this appointment.  Josh and I aren't good at multitasking so we didn't even think  to take our own picture while the ultrasound was up.  We just couldn't keep our eyes off of our babies :)  Both babies were still great and their heartbeats were in the 170s.  Again, they continue to grow so quickly looking like larger tadpoles now.    Keep praying...keep hoping...

October 4, 2012: 7 weeks, 3 days.. Conferences are this week.  Not exactly the best time to be extrememly terrified and worried every single second.  Although I can't "check" myself as often at school as I'd like, I know that after 3:30...I can go to the bathroom whenever and however often I want.  Conferences throw a wrench into that.  It's really hard to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour when you are seeing 18 parents back to back all night long.  It does, however, help time go by fast, which is a blessing in of itself.  Finally, we got to go to Ann Abor this time to have another ultrasound.  We pretended we didn't know it was twins so the doctors in Ann Abor could feel like they were telling us for the first time.  As much as I LOVE everything about the Center for Reproductive Medicine at UofM...I've gotten a lot of bad news at these ultrasounds so I couldn't help but freak out the entire drive down.  The ultrasoun...

September 27th: 6 weeks and 3 days... Because of my bleeding Monday, our first ultrasound at Lansing OBGYN got moved up.  Although I don't like the reason, this was completely okay with me, as I would prefer to be seen by a doctor every single day during pregnancy! Thankfully, I was not bleeding anymore.  After Mondays episode, the bleeding continued to slow down to a hault and quickly.  In the waiting room, I could not have been more nervous or terrified.  I couldn't concentrate on the book I brought and was on the edge of tears/breakdown the entire wait.  As I layed down on the ultrasound table, I noticed right away that the monitor was turned AWAY from Josh and I.  I was so not cool with that.  Don't get me wrong, I know why they do that...in case the news is bad, they don't want you to see it first.  I am not what people would call a normal pregnancy case..hello?!  I can read ultrasounds in my sleep, I've h...

Monday September 24th...5 weeks and 6 days I bled today. I'm crazy and always think I'm bleeding so I go to the bathroom to 'check' as often as my job as teacher will allow.  Today though it was different and I knew for sure it was blood.  I actually left my students, who had just walked in and were getting prepared, to run down the hall to the nearest bathroom and checked.  I prayed and prayed and prayed my instinct was wrong, but it wasn't.  I was bleeding.  Having a room full of kids who need you sobers you up real quick so I went back into my classroom and went about my day as normal for an hour until lunch.  I was able to see my teaching partner to whisper in her ear that I was bleeding and she immediately showed me that her arm was covered in goose bumps.  I raced straight to the bathroom again...still bleeding.  Josh alerted the proper authorities (Ann Arbor and my OBGYN in Lansing) and I alerted everyone who knew we were pregnant an...

September 10th, 2012 So after much debate, worrying, and over analyzing, I decided to take my pregnancy test a day early.  Well really, in all honesty, about 12 hours early.  I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldn't sleep and would end up getting up tine middle of the night to take it either way.  My friend Corey gave me the last friendly shove I needed as I was leaving school so I stopped at CVS, and went home to do what you do when you take a pregnancy test.  Josh was on his way home.  He walked in to me on the toilet showing him the test... IT WAS POSITIVE Each time I've been pregnant, my reaction has a little different, but there's one thing all three of them have in common...tears and lots of them.  I felt like I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't stand it.  I was elated and terrified, joyful and nervous.  People want to already plan and scheme and dream, but my mind kept telling me that the bad news was only aro...