The Luckiest No Matter What!

Dear Nolan, 10… TEN… A DECADE?! What? How? You are turning ten. I’ve thought about this many times when you were little. Thinking about what you would be like, what WE would be like. It has happened in a blip. I’ve also been a mom for a decade, which I also can’t fathom.  I am very emotional right now because your youngest brother is going to kindergarten round up tomorrow and I just registered you and Judah for middle school last week. You are ten. First things are happening that I am not ready for and last things are happening that I want to grab onto so tightly. Your Personality I’ll start with your ten year old personality. I think everything I’m going to tell you basically hasn’t changed since you popped out. Nolan, you are aware, helpful, and polite. You feed off of energies and definitely shoulder other people’s feelings especially dad’s and mine. You don’t like us to be upset and you really try hard to make us feel better. When I am melting down, you are running around tryi...

Dear Judah, TEN? TEN! TEN. I am a wreck with this double digit birthday. Happy Birthday, though, my sweet Judah Bean. This has been QUITE a year for you; one where you’ve been pretty much a science experiment. I want to get all this down so that we can go back and marvel at where you started and where you’ve come someday… Science Experiment I’ve been wondering for the past several years if there were more strategies to support your learning and behavior. Particularly with COVID messing with almost three of your school years, students everywhere were all over the place with different needs and adjustments and I think it was important that we let that all ride out. You have an angel for a teacher this year. Early on, she suggested a phone call and got the ball rolling with using this year, the last one in elementary school, to really dig into you to try and unearth anything that may be hindering your brightness. She adores you so much, Judah and it was apparent from those first few weeks...

 Dear Carter, HAPPY EIGHTH BIRTHDAY!!! This year was a big one for you and brought about a lot of changes and a lot of growth.  Things You Are Loving This was the year you learned how to tie your shoes and play basketball on a team coached by Dad. During your eighth year, you discovered a love for magic. You got a magic kit for Christmas and you putting on magic shows is something I really enjoy. You’ve taught yourself many songs on the piano, but haven’t started any lessons yet. Hours and hours of doing the lessons the keyboard has. You playing me some Christmas songs was one of my favorites. You love Cat’s Cradle (a LOT). This was also the year you tried lacrosse and you seem to really love it. One of my greatest joys as your mom is to see you truly enjoy something. You also decided gymnastics wasn’t your thing, which was actually quite surprising considering your talent at it, but I’m glad you spoke up and let us know your needs. When it comes to being outside, you enjoy sh...

Dear Preston, HAPPY FIFTH BIRTHDAY! You are so excited to be five. It’s been very important that people around you have known you are 4.5. I can imagine being able to tell people you’re five is going to be quite exciting. You have much to look forward to: likely being tall enough to climb the St. Augustine lighthouse the next time we visit, being able to ride more rides at amusement parks, being able to go to summer camps and bible school, starting kindergarten. A big time in your life- this five-year-old birthday. You Are My True Sidekick For me, as your mom, this birthday has been making me quite a puddle of tears. Like it or not, you’re last. I can’t IMAGINE letting you go to kindergarten even though it’s only a few months away. I can’t IMAGINE you being gone all day. I can’t IMAGINE not having my grocery store partner, not having you still be in your pjs at 9:00am and us getting ready for the day after your brothers are at school. It’s funny, you being the baby. In some ways you’ve...

In 2021, I made a commitment to be more  PLAYFUL.   It was an easy #oneword for me to pick because I knew how much I had been needing it, craving it. Because of my rigidity, my love of consistency, my natural tendencies to over plan, playing is hard for me sometimes. I'm not talking about playing with my kids- that is usually pretty easy, but I'm more speaking to the opportunity to play  instead  of something else. Handling things in a more playful way... choosing to play when I could've chosen to be angry or frustrated. Here are my reflections about the year-long quest to have more play! Pausing One of the things I wanted to do more of in 2022 was pausing before I reacted to situations. If I paused more, I could help myself think about ways in which I could handle things more playfully. While nothing is met with perfection (I have to say that to help remind MYSELF that I couldn't embrace this #oneword with perfect standards), I can absolutely say that I paused more....

Dear Nolan, HAPPY HAPPY NINTH BIRTHDAY!!!! WHAT?!?! I can’t believe it. This year yours is my last letter I’m writing. I am knee deep in the middle of birthday week and a lot of other busy things and I am pooped, but in a good way.  I barely saw you today. I had to teach all day today so I came downstairs early to spend some time before I left. Carter and I worked on a red-eyed tree frog project while you were watching some TV. We said goodbye to each other. When I got home, you were just two or three minutes away from leaving for baseball practice. Directly after, you had soccer practice. You got home at 8:15 and got ready for bed. The end. Wednesdays are quite nutty right now. I say all that because there was a time, not very long ago, where we had nothing to do and nowhere to go. The thought of there being a day where I’d hardly see you was laughable. There was also a time, longer ago, when you were tiny and basically never left me alone. Again, if someone would’ve told me that ...

Dear Judah, HAPPY NINTH BIRTHDAY! Nine feels so big… way bigger than eight. I can’t deal with it. You and Nolan made me a mom and will always make your birthday extra special to me as well. It’s funny how even though nine years have gone by there are some things about you that are just you. Those are the things I hold the most dear. This Year I feel like you and I have made huge gains this year. Working together is hard for us sometimes and boy did we have to figure it out! Online school shoved us together and we did a lot of hard work, compromising, and listening to figure out how to make learning positive for both of us. I love working with you- seeing you excited when you get a question right, hearing you remember things from days or weeks ago, finding and correcting mistakes. We do things differently, you and I, but we’ve been able to get into such a good groove of sitting down and working together and I am beyond grateful for that. Judah, you’ve been working so hard this year, SO ...

Dear Carter, YOU ARE SEVEN. WOWEE! You are not my oldest, but somehow you are getting old too and I’m having a hard time accepting it. A YEAR OF CHANGE This year from six to seven has been huge for you… full of so much change. When you turned six, you had only been in school in person for a few weeks. You had barely seen anyone, tried anything, got any socialization. Fast forward a year and each day you are coming home telling me about some new pretend game at recess, a new friend you are playing with, a new thing you’ve learned. It is truly mind blowing sometimes. During recess, you bing around playing with many different groups, but probably your favorite thing is to make the girls laugh or play games where there are teams chasing each other.  In other school news, you do not fit into the mold of traditional expected behavior. Sitting the right way in a chair is hard for you; sitting in a chair at all is hard for you. Being still and quiet for long periods is hard for you. I can ...

Dear Preston, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This birthday seems really special, I think, because it’s the first one you’ve really been talking about and looking forward to. We even have a countdown on the wipe board near our calendar. This will likely be the first birthday you will remember and your understanding of getting older and getting bigger is more for this birthday than any other one you’ve had.  GOODBYE THREE! B eing three is often very hard for both the kid and the parents and you were no exception my sweet boy. I think you were our hardest three-year-old, which is actually saying a lot ;) This last year or two have been filled with a lot of big emotions, tantrums, destruction, and many unkind words. We have ALL (this includes your brothers) been very patient with you and have really been trying to teach you how to label your feelings and be able to handle them in a way that doesn’t hurt people or things with your words or your body. It surely hasn’t been easy. I say all of this not t...