The Luckiest No Matter What!

As I was scrolling the other day, I saw someone writing down things they wanted to remember from this pandemic time. It's obvious this time in our history will be wrote about profusely. I can't predict the future, but I have a feeling this time in my life will be monumental... something that will have definitely shaped who I become. I decided I wanted to take some time to write down some thoughts about this time in my life. To tell my own story.  What I Will Remember About the Last Two Years: The Earliest Days I remember first learning of the pandemic. It became a topic of conversation with anyone you came in contact with. I never thought it would even come to the USA. If it did, I thought it was going to be no big deal. Maybe my naïveté was a positive so that I didn't go directly to freaking out and losing my mind.... that took a few months to come.  Another big moment from the earliest days was when my kids went to school on Friday March 13th, 2020. I knew it was their la...

Nolan, Judah, Carter, and Preston had their half birthdays back in early November. I always have the best intention to give a little update on what's going on in their lives at that time, but here I am in January doing this. Always better to do than not.  The biggest thing for all four of them lately-ish is the pretend return to normalcy that we are all experiencing. I will continue to call it pretend because the precautions my family are continuing to take are still a lot and if you step foot into a school around here for a few minutes, you will know that things are very much NOT back to normal. The transition back to school full time for N & J, the actual real starting of elementary school for C, and the starting of daycare for P has been a MAJOR shift around here. In other news... Nolan: 8.5 Although online school was not for anyone in my house, Nolan did really enjoy being able to do things at his own pace. He always had an amazing attitude about doing work. The most challe...

The school year has begun. This particular year has, yet again, brought quite a few changes into our house. Last year, we were heading into our basement school to start online learning. Carter was starting kindergarten. This year, I have three boys in school full time. After not having that for over a year, it's been a B.I.G. adjustment. Preston is starting daycare. We've never done that before. I'm back to work- still teaching part time, but going in five days a week instead of two. How's it all been going, you ask? Everything has been A LOT. A lot of feelings, worries, nervousness, and work. Daycare and Back to School for P Preston's transition to daycare has been very difficult. He's refusing to eat there, isn't sleeping much, and has had epic cry sessions and breakdowns at drop off. I have walked away from him grabbing for me and crying. It doesn't help that the daycare is next to my school. I have exactly one minute to pull myself together before ne...

Dear Nolan, HAPPY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY! This is your golden birthday. Daddy and I are looking real forward to making this birthday a special one amidst the Coronavirus Pandemic going on in our world right now. Because of how contagious and dangerous this new virus is, we have been asked to stay at home to stay safe. Daddy’s working upstairs and we are downstairs learning and playing together for the last 7.5 weeks. We cannot touch or see (unless from a distance) our family and friends and need a mask in order to go in public. This drastic new life has been hard on all of us. You’ve been a model student for me as long as I keep you busy ;) Idle hands, for you, are dangerous. Your zest and love of learning have made a wonderful positive attitude in the house. You’re game to learn anything, try anything, experiment with anything, read anything. I sure hope I am challenging and stimulating you enough- you deserve that. You are dealing with this virus and changes just as I thought you would-...

Dear Judah, HAPPY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY! This is your golden birthday- you are seven on the seventh. I’m certain we will talk about this birthday often and it’s uniqueness will spread far beyond it being your golden birthday. We are in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic- schools are closed, we have to wear a mask to be in public, and we cannot see our family or friends. Daddy is working from home upstairs, the rest of us are together… oh so much togetherness for the last seven weeks.  We’ve been doing home school of sorts and it’s been challenging to stay the least. It’s very hard to balance everyone’s needs and wants and help all of you learn and progress forward. You don’t always buy what I’m selling, either. You love to learn, but you don’t give away your love for learning on just anything... it has to be the right thing. Right now you are super into animals, bugs, and the general small details in the outside world. When we go on walks, you’ll be lagging behind sign...

I didn't really know what to write about this week. Other weeks, I've had epiphanies or meltdowns or rocking successes or some real thoughtful reflections... This one was, honestly, much of the same... teaching, learning, playing, fighting monotony, fighting anarchy, some days good, some days not.  The weather has really been getting to me here in Michigan. It's been mostly crap and that makes everything that is already hard even harder. I'm to the point now where I am sick of being cold, sick of blizzard-feeling winds, sick of clouds to the point where I don't even want to go outside if it's below my expectations.  All four of my boys have birthdays the first week of May. Back when the first stay at home order went through, in mid March, I was certain beyond belief that we'd be back at it by their birthdays. I never questioned their family birthday party having to be postponed. As the weeks have went by, it's sunk in more and more, for me and for...

Admitting you need help is hard.  Asking for help is hard.  Accepting help is hard.  This week I cracked. I was impatient, snappy, and on the brink of tears throughout most of the beginning of the week. I tried to fix it by making sure I went to bed a bit earlier, by trying to start each day with a fresh clean slate, by trying to look for positives where I could, but by Wednesday I was feeling like none of it was helping enough to pull myself out. I had lost my temper multiple times and everything was annoying me and frustrating me. I clearly needed some help.   I went and told Josh, through tears, that I needed him to look at his calendar over the next few weeks and clear some hours or take a day off if possible so that I could not be with the kids. I had been wearing this mom, teacher, and United Nations Peacekeeper hat for almost five weeks straight every minute of every day with no escape, with no break, with no end in sight. I wasn't expecti...

Is it really true that we've been staying home for four weeks?!  In most regards, this has felt vvvveeerrryyy long, but the days do go by fast and we are busy. Part of my surprise is the fact that I'm still standing. I remember when the stay home, stay safe order went in to effect on March 14th. I told myself I could totally do this for two weeks and then I would probably fall apart. Then, as time continues to go on, I think I can make it another week or two before I'll really lose it.  I'm still here.  What I've realized is that this whole experience is more of a roller coaster than a run to a finish line. Sometimes I'm feeling successful, positive, and able to handle everything one minute and then the next I feel like I'm completely undone. So instead of trying to make it to some arbitrary date before losing all my marbles, I lose them periodically on any given day at any given moment ;) The positive side of this is that I am making it, day by ...

Thursday. A day I won't soon forget. I began the day as I have been lately, journaling and watching the news. I happened to catch a story of a 30 year old teacher and coach from New Jersey who died of the Corona Virus. The journalist was speaking with his wife and tears were just streaming down my face. This person had already been treated at the hospital and was responding well to oxygen treatments and meds. He was sick and uncomfortable, but managing. He went to bed and never woke up. He had no preexisting conditions and was healthy. There are stories like these as well as stories about the population this is affecting the most, but this story stuck with me huge. Our 'school' or whatever you want to call it started at 8:30 with our usual community meeting where we greet each other, talk about the upcoming day, and read a picture book together. Even though I maintained my composure despite my shook-ness from earlier, I knew this day was going to be a memorable one. How...