The Luckiest No Matter What!

 Dear Carter, HAPPY EIGHTH BIRTHDAY!!! This year was a big one for you and brought about a lot of changes and a lot of growth.  Things You Are Loving This was the year you learned how to tie your shoes and play basketball on a team coached by Dad. During your eighth year, you discovered a love for magic. You got a magic kit for Christmas and you putting on magic shows is something I really enjoy. You’ve taught yourself many songs on the piano, but haven’t started any lessons yet. Hours and hours of doing the lessons the keyboard has. You playing me some Christmas songs was one of my favorites. You love Cat’s Cradle (a LOT). This was also the year you tried lacrosse and you seem to really love it. One of my greatest joys as your mom is to see you truly enjoy something. You also decided gymnastics wasn’t your thing, which was actually quite surprising considering your talent at it, but I’m glad you spoke up and let us know your needs. When it comes to being outside, you enjoy sh...

Dear Carter, YOU ARE SEVEN. WOWEE! You are not my oldest, but somehow you are getting old too and I’m having a hard time accepting it. A YEAR OF CHANGE This year from six to seven has been huge for you… full of so much change. When you turned six, you had only been in school in person for a few weeks. You had barely seen anyone, tried anything, got any socialization. Fast forward a year and each day you are coming home telling me about some new pretend game at recess, a new friend you are playing with, a new thing you’ve learned. It is truly mind blowing sometimes. During recess, you bing around playing with many different groups, but probably your favorite thing is to make the girls laugh or play games where there are teams chasing each other.  In other school news, you do not fit into the mold of traditional expected behavior. Sitting the right way in a chair is hard for you; sitting in a chair at all is hard for you. Being still and quiet for long periods is hard for you. I can ...

Dear Carter, HAPPY SIXTH BIRTHDAY, BING! You’ve been very excited to turn six and are always looking to the next things you can do when you get bigger. Meanwhile, I am trying to just slow down time because every time I look at you I see a very, very rolly and smiley baby.  You are almost done with the strangest kindergarten year ever. In a way, this pandemic has actually given you such a gift for kindergarten. Whether online or in person, you’ve never had to go to a full day of school. I think that’s pretty great for a 5 year old! It’s given us more time to be together. This has all been challenging, also, because you’ve not had a typical school experience yet. There is a lot for you to learn at how to “do” school: raising your hand, taking your time on work, only talking at appropriate times, etc. So far, though, you’ve been a friend to all, a hard worker, and someone everyone can count on to move discussions forward.  This year, I’ve watched you become a reader… and I seriou...

Today is Nolan and Judah's last day of first grade. Technically, Carter's last day was two weeks ago, but I'm throwing him in here also because he basically fully participated in any learning we were doing... so it's his last day of preschool too!  Normally, at the end of the year, I have ALL the feels.  For my sons, we make summer To-do lists, we spend a ton of time looking at their art portfolios, I cry reading their report cards overwhelmed with how much these tiny humans learn. I just cannot WAIT to spend every day with them, my excitement is busting. We look forward to cottage trips, BBQs, swimming, and so many outside adventures.  My sixth graders spend the last week giving feedback on the year, reflecting, usually presenting on learning to a wider audience, finishing genius hour projects, and trying sketch maps of the Western Hemisphere being so proud of the global knowledge they've acquired. The last 2-3 weeks of school, we pop a balloon at the end of ...

Week ten- Wow. Sheesh. Do you ever just sit and think like what is this life?! How can we have done this for such a long time?! There were so many moments, at first, where I thought I could only make it a few weeks before completely cracking. Let me be clear- I've cracked, like several times. But I've been able to pick myself back up and keep chugging. We sure are grateful for the warmer temperatures!  This virus has made things complicated and difficult for us all with varying degrees. It has also robbed us all of things. I'm not talking about the obvious, heartbreaking, and staggering loss of human life. I'm talking about the more muted lifestyle robbery. We have all missed vacations, celebrations, and important time with family and friends. I think of seniors (both high school and college) often and all that's been taken from them in this quarantine: prom, picnics, open houses, pranks, dinners, graduations, goodbyes. Some of the best moments of my pre-adultin...

Dear Carter, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are FIVE and I can’t believe it! What a huge year for you- I don’t even know if I’ll be able to do it justice capturing it here. The place I need to start is with what you’ve overcome. In December, you gave us a huge scare as your platelets were dangerously low and we had to spend some time in the hospital getting them back up. You were diagnosed with a blood disorder called ITP. This has brought some worry and several doctors appointments into our life, but you’ve been doing wonderful and are about to go there in a few days hoping to get cleared as back to normal! This whole medical process has brought an interest in all things ‘doctor’ to you. You love playing doctor and going through the whole process of taking blood and checking platelets and doing treatments. Maybe you’ll be a doctor or nurse someday; that would be such an awesome story! We are so glad you are okay.  I need you to know, right now, that things are super weird around he...

I didn't really know what to write about this week. Other weeks, I've had epiphanies or meltdowns or rocking successes or some real thoughtful reflections... This one was, honestly, much of the same... teaching, learning, playing, fighting monotony, fighting anarchy, some days good, some days not.  The weather has really been getting to me here in Michigan. It's been mostly crap and that makes everything that is already hard even harder. I'm to the point now where I am sick of being cold, sick of blizzard-feeling winds, sick of clouds to the point where I don't even want to go outside if it's below my expectations.  All four of my boys have birthdays the first week of May. Back when the first stay at home order went through, in mid March, I was certain beyond belief that we'd be back at it by their birthdays. I never questioned their family birthday party having to be postponed. As the weeks have went by, it's sunk in more and more, for me and for...

Admitting you need help is hard.  Asking for help is hard.  Accepting help is hard.  This week I cracked. I was impatient, snappy, and on the brink of tears throughout most of the beginning of the week. I tried to fix it by making sure I went to bed a bit earlier, by trying to start each day with a fresh clean slate, by trying to look for positives where I could, but by Wednesday I was feeling like none of it was helping enough to pull myself out. I had lost my temper multiple times and everything was annoying me and frustrating me. I clearly needed some help.   I went and told Josh, through tears, that I needed him to look at his calendar over the next few weeks and clear some hours or take a day off if possible so that I could not be with the kids. I had been wearing this mom, teacher, and United Nations Peacekeeper hat for almost five weeks straight every minute of every day with no escape, with no break, with no end in sight. I wasn't expecti...

Thursday. A day I won't soon forget. I began the day as I have been lately, journaling and watching the news. I happened to catch a story of a 30 year old teacher and coach from New Jersey who died of the Corona Virus. The journalist was speaking with his wife and tears were just streaming down my face. This person had already been treated at the hospital and was responding well to oxygen treatments and meds. He was sick and uncomfortable, but managing. He went to bed and never woke up. He had no preexisting conditions and was healthy. There are stories like these as well as stories about the population this is affecting the most, but this story stuck with me huge. Our 'school' or whatever you want to call it started at 8:30 with our usual community meeting where we greet each other, talk about the upcoming day, and read a picture book together. Even though I maintained my composure despite my shook-ness from earlier, I knew this day was going to be a memorable one. How...