The Luckiest No Matter What!

I need to just get this out... Monday a body was found on the playground at my sons' elementary school. The early communication of what was going on was vague and even though the email said students were safe, I found myself not fully sure I believed. My mind raced to all kinds of unspeakable places. Kids were dismissed early from school that day. Nolan was white as a ghost when he got in the car. He kept asking me what was going on. He was so scared he didn't eat his lunch. School was canceled for the next day. We had some hard conversations at home with a LOT of questions. Tuesday morning, while my family was hiking in the woods to try to find some peace, my boys heard sirens over and over and over. I received a text from one of my best friends (and a nurse) that she was hearing from the hospital there was an active shooter at the high school. The ERs were preparing for kids to come. My sister called me from the bank where customers were sobbing trying to get a hold of their ...

In 2021, I made a commitment to be more  PLAYFUL.   It was an easy #oneword for me to pick because I knew how much I had been needing it, craving it. Because of my rigidity, my love of consistency, my natural tendencies to over plan, playing is hard for me sometimes. I'm not talking about playing with my kids- that is usually pretty easy, but I'm more speaking to the opportunity to play  instead  of something else. Handling things in a more playful way... choosing to play when I could've chosen to be angry or frustrated. Here are my reflections about the year-long quest to have more play! Pausing One of the things I wanted to do more of in 2022 was pausing before I reacted to situations. If I paused more, I could help myself think about ways in which I could handle things more playfully. While nothing is met with perfection (I have to say that to help remind MYSELF that I couldn't embrace this #oneword with perfect standards), I can absolutely say that I paused more....

Nolan, Judah, Carter, and Preston had their half birthdays back in early November. I always have the best intention to give a little update on what's going on in their lives at that time, but here I am in January doing this. Always better to do than not.  The biggest thing for all four of them lately-ish is the pretend return to normalcy that we are all experiencing. I will continue to call it pretend because the precautions my family are continuing to take are still a lot and if you step foot into a school around here for a few minutes, you will know that things are very much NOT back to normal. The transition back to school full time for N & J, the actual real starting of elementary school for C, and the starting of daycare for P has been a MAJOR shift around here. In other news... Nolan: 8.5 Although online school was not for anyone in my house, Nolan did really enjoy being able to do things at his own pace. He always had an amazing attitude about doing work. The most challe...

HAPPY 2022! I'm entering slowly, taking small steps with caution.  My family is keeping this weekend low key: trying to squeeze in last moments together before the hustle and bustle of real life starts Monday again. This winter break has been one of the best- a lot of togetherness, and an excellent balance of work and play. It has all felt so good for my soul and I can tell it was just what #hundtboysx4 needed too. It's time for my #oneword of 2022: PLAYFUL! PLAYFUL: The Why Throughout 2021, I continued to feel as though my sons were needing something more from me than I have been able to give them. Was it my time? Energy? Patience? Kindness? Yes to all (duh). What these things all have in common is the desire of connection. What my boys want more than anything, is me. But a better version of me than I've been showcasing. After a challenging day of supporting my boys through online school or, lately, a day full of learning for them and teaching for me, I don't have much...

2021 is almost over. I will remember this year as the one where my kids were in virtual school about as much as they were in person. I went back into the classroom in 2021. It was the year I pulled myself out of the breakdown I had towards the end of 2020. 2021 was when I did a ton of work on myself, said goodbye to my parent's cottage in Canada and our beloved Primrose the Cat. I saw Saint Augustine, Florida more than I ever had and explored the wilderness of Virginia. I visited our nation's capital. Josh, my three biggest boys, and I got vaccinated and witnessed so much change with the pandemic and also so much stay the same. Finally, I watched #hundtboysx4 learn, grow, and change a lot in 2021.  2021 was also the year I picked the best #oneword I ever could: small . I could feel that it was a winner way back in January, but I didn't know how much that word was exactly what I needed to focus on. Here are some of the awesome things that small little word has done for me t...

Mistakes are tricky for me.  I know I make hundreds of them a day. But, I work tirelessly, to the point of exhaustion, to prevent myself from making them. Mistakes are where our greatest learning and unlearning takes place, which makes them extremely necessary. However, when I make mistakes, I'm simultaneously tearing myself down to shreds while  learning and unlearning. I outwardly embrace mistake making, encourage it both to my own children and the students I've served. Inwardly, though, the thought of possibly making a mistake makes me nervous and sometimes downright terrified.  I am working on my complicated relationship with mistakes and failures in therapy. I have been reacquainted with why this tricky relationship exists, where it came from, and what triggers it. I'm slowly working on how to sit with the feelings that making a mistake bring to me... uncomfortable ones of sadness and failure. Finally, I am learning how I can help myself  feel better and mo...

Happy 2021! A new year is here. I honestly can't believe it. I took such a beating from 2020 that I am still recovering. It was truly a year for things we did not expect, things none of us could plan for. For that reason, I am treading lightly into this year and I would imagine a lot of you are too.  #OneWord For the last several years, instead of making a new year's resolution, I've focused on one word. Last year, my #oneword was TRY. I had made this awesome list of things I would TRY to do each month. I spent January, February, and March doing just that. In January I tried being a vegetarian. February I wrote a card each day to friends and family expressing my love and gratitude. In March, I tried never to go over my allotted Weight Watchers points; I tried to use none of my weeklies. Each of these things I TRIED taught me lessons, gave me pause and reflection. I had many more written down and ready to roll out as the year continued. But, after March, the only thing I cou...

I honestly can't believe we are nearing the end of 2020. Most of it felt so challenging, often shocking, and so pain-stakingly slow sometimes that I wasn't sure the end of the year would ever come. I'm sure this year, especially, has us all reflecting on a lot: thinking back to where we all started, how we first felt when the pandemic hit, when we were smack dab in the middle of it, and how we've adjusted to what is our new normal for the foreseeable future.  I have so much I want to leave behind and never revisit: the memories of all the time I lost my patience with my family, crying in the shower more times than I'd like to admit, the feelings of isolation and loneliness, the worrying. I chose right now, however, to focus on the bright spots of this year. It was hard, indeed, but it wasn't always  hard. Here are some of the things I'm incredibly grateful for in 2020... Starting 2020 on the Right Foot On January 2nd, 2020, I started taking care of myself. I...

On December 26th, 2000, Josh and I had our first official date. We were 17 and juniors in high school. THAT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO TODAY! WHAT?!? We had been friends for over three years, and our 'more than friends' chemistry had been building, slowly. A little flirting here and there during health class, butterflies when I'd see him in the hallway, getting on AOL Instant Messenger to talk almost every night.  I don't exactly know how the date got scheduled, but we were talking on Instant Messenger joking around about how we'd be spending our time over break and how fun it would be if we did some of those activities together. All of a sudden we were talking about seeing each other the day after Christmas. I think I kinda blacked out on how we really got there, but I remember signing off the computer, a few days before Christmas, thinking I had a real date scheduled with Josh for December 26th. AH!   The First Date This was taken at Yellowstone this year. I have no pic...

Last Thursday night, March 12th, I was reading Ann Arbor Public School's thoughtful letter to their community letting parents and students know they were closing school. Only minutes after that, I happened to catch the governor speaking live as she announced that, starting that Monday March 16th, ALL K-12 schools in Michigan would be closed. It's crazy that it's only been a little over a week and somehow I am living a completely different life. I now have four children at home with me full time. When I say 'at home with me,' it's not like the summer 'at home with me' where we go swimming, play on playgrounds, take day trips, visit museums and trampoline parks and spend countless hours playing with neighbors and family. I mean the 'at home with me' where we stay at our home... like all the time. Sure, we still spend a lot of time outside, but it's in our backyard, on our driveway, sadly waving at neighbors as they walk by or play in their ...