Dreaming of Baby Girl: Foreshadowing or Letting Go

For basically this entire pregnancy, I've been pretty sure this baby is a boy.  I'm not sure if it's because I swear I heard an ultrasound tech say, "Oh!  Look at HIS big hands!" Or if it's because the baby's kidneys have been monitored because they've been dilated (something much more common in boys than girls) or if it's because that's all I know or if I've got mother's intuition (I have correctly predicted the gender of all three of my boys)... maybe a combination... I don't know.  

Honestly, I also think I'm trying to prepare to allow myself to grieve never having a girl.  Although I am truly at peace if a girl is not in my future; I LOVE and adore my boys and being a #boymom, but I know there will be times I will feel like I'm missing out.  I think it's natural to feel that way from time to time.  I imagine lots of people, when planning their future children in their heads, picture both genders.  There are certainly some different milestones, some different challenges, some different experiences that a parent will go through with a son AND with a daughter.  I will only get one half of that coin.  

Don't get me wrong, I know there are special moments between a mother and a son that I will have the honor of experiencing with not just one, but possibly four sons.  But you don't grow up with three sisters like mine and a perfect, angelic mom like mine and not have an appreciation for how incredible sisters are and how close and important a mother/daughter bond can be.  

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Three nights ago, I vividly dreamed I had a baby girl.  I went in to have a C-section, and met a beautiful, dark hair, girl.  We named her exactly what we would if we really had a girl- the first and middle name were spot on in the dream.  Despite the fact that I was told the baby was a girl, and the fact that I saw her and held her, AND the fact that she already had her ears pierced and was wearing pink Minnie Mouse pajamas, I didn't believe. I kept saying phrases like, "No way!" or "This isn't right." or, "We don't have a daughter." I kept checking what parts were in her diaper.

My brother was even in the dream, on the side of my hospital bed, pointing and saying, "I told you!"

What I can't decide is whether this dream is foreshadowing what might actually be (I will seriously be shocked if this baby is a girl) or if I was given this dream to experience a daughter of my own, just for a little while.  If/when this baby is a boy, I will now always be able to say I've held a baby girl that Josh and I made, named her exactly what we'd want to name her.  I can smile knowing I got to meet my daughter even if it was only in my dreams.

Maybe I was given this dream so that I can put the possibility of having a girl past me to prepare for the fourth baby boy that will arrive.  

IF having four boys is the lot I've been given, there will be no one more versed on boys- what they need, how to help them be successful, how to emotionally support them, the inter-workings of their brain, than I will.  After all, when I've got something to be passionate about, I go all in.  What's better to be passionate about than your kids? :)  I will truly shoot to be a #boymom expert. 

I'll have to wait, if all goes well, about seven more weeks to find out if this dream was foreshadowing an awesome surprise to come or allowing me to spend a bit of time with a baby girl before my last precious little man arrives.