To Nolan and Judah as you Start Kindergarten
I started a blog yesterday, which I've decided to totally scrap.
It was to Nolan and Judah about how I was going to let go of them in a way I hadn't yet. How they were walking off into a bigger world with more people and more influences and more knowledge and more choices and more freedom (and less Mama). I was going to wish them a year of feeling safe, of feeling loved, of feeling important and that they would put all of those things right back into the universe by being kind, welcoming, and helpful. I was going to mention how I was praying they would each have a sharp, hardworking mind, a listening ear, and an open, compassionate heart.
But then today happened...
We were cleaning up their room- I'm a firm believer in beginning anything new with organized, tidy spaces. We had just gotten done putting away laundry and making beds and were working on picking out "first day" outfits. My boys love to dress up for special occasions, but we decided ultimately that a shirt and tie might be a little too warm considering it's going to be 90 degrees tomorrow so we went for some lighter clothes.
Josh had gotten out our portable steamer to be able to get the wrinkles out of Judah's new yellow linen shirt (of course there had to be yellow). Well before I had noticed, the boys had plugged that new contraption in and Nolan had just enough time to let a steam spray out, which got him in the ear. He was scared and hurt and lots of tears happened. Carter and Judah were also shooken up. Nolan was crying as I comforted him on his bed and then I looked up to see that Josh was holding a crying Judah on the floor.
"Aww sweetie, did you get hurt too," I asked Judah.
Through tears he was able to say two words: "No... Nolan."
It didn't take us long to figure out that Judah was crying because he was worried about his brother- sad for Nolan's hurting, scared for Nolan's fear. Judah was legitimately inconsolable- feeling so deeply for his twin brother.
I took a minute to truly be present in that moment- Josh comforting Judah on the floor, Nolan in my arms on a bed and this huge wave of emotion and calm overcame me.
Yes, my oldest children were going to kindergarten. Yes, I have been a disaster with worries and excitement of all that could be. Yes, this is a milestone- a game changer, a big deal.
But my sweet boys... these five-year-olds who I still can see as newborns as if they were that tiny yesterday... they were going to be just fine because they have each other.
Even though they are not in the same class (a huge decision for us, as parents, to make), they will walk through those new doors hand-in-hand. They have someone to sit with at lunch, someone to tell about their day, someone to play with at recess. They each have someone to come to their rescue if they get hurt or scared or lonely or homesick, and someone that will include them and make them feel special. They can take comfort knowing their best friend is right next door.
My boys are not perfect creatures (although I think they're pretty close ;) ) but one thing they are absolutely excellent at is taking care of each other... they always have and I pray they always will. I may not be able to be with them as they navigate this huge new change, but I am sending the next best person- Judah for Nolan and Nolan for Judah.
I don't know how I got lucky enough to have twins in my life, I really don't- it is more unique and more special than anything I could ever articulate. Even though I am a complete mess and wreck about sending my babies off to school tomorrow, (the tears are blurring my ability to even type this out) they have an incredible advantage that most children don't get as they begin school- they have each other.
Nolan ended up with a burn near his ear and Judah ran downstairs to get him ice. They hugged and hugged while hugging me, which made me cry... like a lot.
I do still wish all of those things above, but if they can stick through this school thing together, they are going to just fine. I also pray that because they can always lean on each other, that they will have lots of extra love and hope to give out to others.
It was to Nolan and Judah about how I was going to let go of them in a way I hadn't yet. How they were walking off into a bigger world with more people and more influences and more knowledge and more choices and more freedom (and less Mama). I was going to wish them a year of feeling safe, of feeling loved, of feeling important and that they would put all of those things right back into the universe by being kind, welcoming, and helpful. I was going to mention how I was praying they would each have a sharp, hardworking mind, a listening ear, and an open, compassionate heart.
But then today happened...
We were cleaning up their room- I'm a firm believer in beginning anything new with organized, tidy spaces. We had just gotten done putting away laundry and making beds and were working on picking out "first day" outfits. My boys love to dress up for special occasions, but we decided ultimately that a shirt and tie might be a little too warm considering it's going to be 90 degrees tomorrow so we went for some lighter clothes.
Josh had gotten out our portable steamer to be able to get the wrinkles out of Judah's new yellow linen shirt (of course there had to be yellow). Well before I had noticed, the boys had plugged that new contraption in and Nolan had just enough time to let a steam spray out, which got him in the ear. He was scared and hurt and lots of tears happened. Carter and Judah were also shooken up. Nolan was crying as I comforted him on his bed and then I looked up to see that Josh was holding a crying Judah on the floor.
"Aww sweetie, did you get hurt too," I asked Judah.
Through tears he was able to say two words: "No... Nolan."
It didn't take us long to figure out that Judah was crying because he was worried about his brother- sad for Nolan's hurting, scared for Nolan's fear. Judah was legitimately inconsolable- feeling so deeply for his twin brother.
I took a minute to truly be present in that moment- Josh comforting Judah on the floor, Nolan in my arms on a bed and this huge wave of emotion and calm overcame me.
Yes, my oldest children were going to kindergarten. Yes, I have been a disaster with worries and excitement of all that could be. Yes, this is a milestone- a game changer, a big deal.
But my sweet boys... these five-year-olds who I still can see as newborns as if they were that tiny yesterday... they were going to be just fine because they have each other.
My boys are not perfect creatures (although I think they're pretty close ;) ) but one thing they are absolutely excellent at is taking care of each other... they always have and I pray they always will. I may not be able to be with them as they navigate this huge new change, but I am sending the next best person- Judah for Nolan and Nolan for Judah.
I don't know how I got lucky enough to have twins in my life, I really don't- it is more unique and more special than anything I could ever articulate. Even though I am a complete mess and wreck about sending my babies off to school tomorrow, (the tears are blurring my ability to even type this out) they have an incredible advantage that most children don't get as they begin school- they have each other.
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I do still wish all of those things above, but if they can stick through this school thing together, they are going to just fine. I also pray that because they can always lean on each other, that they will have lots of extra love and hope to give out to others.
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