The Other Side of the Table: First Conferences
For eleven years, I've been running conferences as a classroom teacher. I shake hands and welcome families- parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings into a conversation and reflection about their precious sixth grader. I have, along with the families I serve, experienced every kind of emotion with them as their partner in education.
I love conferences! Sure it always means extra work and extra long days, but spending time with my students and their families is one of my favorite things. It's one of my teaching-partner's favorite things too, which is why we are notorious for getting behind in our schedule- we just love to connect with our families so much!
This year, as my twins are in the midst of kindergarten, I was gearing up for my first conferences as a parent- metaphorically, and probably literally, sitting on the other side of the table.
Even though Nolan and Judah are LOVING school and are lucky enough to each have sensational teachers, there I sat, in the days before conferences, feeling like I was getting my dukes up- ready to go to battle.
I was unsettled about one particular aspect of kindergarten that I wanted to address at conferences: homework.
In my opinion, my boys get a lot of homework! They get reading homework every week, with one activity to do each day, and also a large math packet. When I say large, I mean like five, six, or seven pages long. Even though the teachers have been gracious and ask us to complete the packets at our convenience, I am a very anti-homework teacher myself so this has been a hard adjustment.
Listen, I have no problem with practicing things at home! I want to know what's happening in the classroom, I want to feel like I can support the work they are doing, I want to provide lots of opportunities for my boys to learn at home. However, my problem lies in what kind of homework they are being asked to do: worksheets. My boys are having to be still and compliant and good for seven hours each day so to then have them come home and have to sit still for more time is a little excessive- THEY ARE FIVE! THEY ARE LITTLE!
One of my biggest fears as a parent is that my boys, as they go through school, will grow to hate doing school work and therefore will have a negative attitude when it comes to learning. Can you imagine how damaging that is for any child? I see it every day with some students in my sixth grade classroom- the joy completely out of the learning process. Then, think of a struggling student- he/she has to work SO hard during school having things take longer and use so much brain power and then, you're telling me, this same student needs to come home and suffer through more work!? When is there a break? To play? To enjoy? To be a kid? To spend time with family? To NOT have to sit still?
I needed to understand, straight from their teachers' mouths, the purpose of this work. If the purpose is to build writing stamina then I guess, sure, we will crank out these packets each week and we will do it with a smile ;). If the purpose is to learn number sense, classify objects, count, and do some basic addition, then could I please take my boys OUTSIDE and do that? Count rocks? Put leaves in order from biggest to smallest? Make piles of things? There are so many ways to practice concepts that aren't doing worksheets.
These teachers are loving, kind, and working their tails off; they are amazing. They also sure seem to understand kindergarteners and their need for play and excise and movement so what gives?! I needed to know.
Conference night arrives and I sit on the other side of the table from the teachers in both classrooms. We see data on Nolan and Judah's benchmarking for reading, we hear about how well Nolan is reading and how compassionate he is towards others and how Judah is a celebrity at school and seems to know everyone and how helpful he is to his classmates. The teachers show us checklists of things they were doing, sight words they have mastered, and how much their writing has improved from September until now. We also got a couple of cute stories showing how much Nolan and Judah love each other and how excited they are when they get to be together during the school day.
Both these teachers know our boys, nothing they said was a surprise to us- they are the same Nolan and Judah at school as they are at home. Both teachers radiate kindness and love and I feel my shoulders relaxing a bit. Then.... Josh starts in... "So this math homework," he begins... Nolan's teacher gets a look on her face that I know all too well- she is conflicted. She is pulled between wanting to follow what she is being "told" to do (a new trend in education lately- having teachers deliver boxed curriculums with fidelity taking away the art of teaching) and knowing in her heart what is best for kids. I know that look, I've HAD that look. She didn't answer right away, choosing her words carefully I inferred.
Then, she looked us dead in the eyes, "I want your boys to go home and play" was her response.
I almost cried.
I reach across the table and grab her hand. Mom-to-mom, teacher-to-teacher, and say, "Thank you."
We both smile, nod, and move on.
She does not give me explicit permission not to do the homework. She does not tell me she doesn't like it or doesn't believe in it. She doesn't tell me of her frustrations trying to please her principal, curriculum director, and super intendant while also trying to do right by parents, and especially her students. She doesn't get into the lengthy discussion of how rigorous kindergarten is now and how much she longs for more playtime, more creating, more games.
Her words are so simple, but behind them had SO much meaning- she gets it.
Later, at Judah's conference, I get much the same impression- these are educators who want kids to love learning, love school, and find many mediums and avenues for success, not just the worksheets that are sent home. They see these little people as readers, writers, mathematicians, but also singers, dreamers, athletes, cooks, joke-tellers, explorers, scientists, artists, musicians, etc, etc, etc.
I shake my head walking out of the school and Josh asks me what that was for, "I don't know what I was so worried about," I began, "I'm a TEACHER and I went in there expecting to disagree and expecting to get frustrated at how these wonderful women were serving my children. What is the matter with me?! I should know better."
It's hard sending kids off to school. It's hard giving up a bit of your mom control (or for me it's REALLY hard) and putting your trust in other humans to take care of your most precious (times two). I need to keep remembering how wonderful it is to have support from parents as I, the teacher, care for their children in the classroom- as I love them, encourage them, empower them, and hopefully foster a love for learning inside of them. I need to always presume all of that is inside each teacher my boys will have as well and be their biggest ally.
I've already learned a lot of things being on the parent side of the table...
I love conferences! Sure it always means extra work and extra long days, but spending time with my students and their families is one of my favorite things. It's one of my teaching-partner's favorite things too, which is why we are notorious for getting behind in our schedule- we just love to connect with our families so much!
This year, as my twins are in the midst of kindergarten, I was gearing up for my first conferences as a parent- metaphorically, and probably literally, sitting on the other side of the table.
Even though Nolan and Judah are LOVING school and are lucky enough to each have sensational teachers, there I sat, in the days before conferences, feeling like I was getting my dukes up- ready to go to battle.
I was unsettled about one particular aspect of kindergarten that I wanted to address at conferences: homework.
In my opinion, my boys get a lot of homework! They get reading homework every week, with one activity to do each day, and also a large math packet. When I say large, I mean like five, six, or seven pages long. Even though the teachers have been gracious and ask us to complete the packets at our convenience, I am a very anti-homework teacher myself so this has been a hard adjustment.
Listen, I have no problem with practicing things at home! I want to know what's happening in the classroom, I want to feel like I can support the work they are doing, I want to provide lots of opportunities for my boys to learn at home. However, my problem lies in what kind of homework they are being asked to do: worksheets. My boys are having to be still and compliant and good for seven hours each day so to then have them come home and have to sit still for more time is a little excessive- THEY ARE FIVE! THEY ARE LITTLE!
One of my biggest fears as a parent is that my boys, as they go through school, will grow to hate doing school work and therefore will have a negative attitude when it comes to learning. Can you imagine how damaging that is for any child? I see it every day with some students in my sixth grade classroom- the joy completely out of the learning process. Then, think of a struggling student- he/she has to work SO hard during school having things take longer and use so much brain power and then, you're telling me, this same student needs to come home and suffer through more work!? When is there a break? To play? To enjoy? To be a kid? To spend time with family? To NOT have to sit still?
I needed to understand, straight from their teachers' mouths, the purpose of this work. If the purpose is to build writing stamina then I guess, sure, we will crank out these packets each week and we will do it with a smile ;). If the purpose is to learn number sense, classify objects, count, and do some basic addition, then could I please take my boys OUTSIDE and do that? Count rocks? Put leaves in order from biggest to smallest? Make piles of things? There are so many ways to practice concepts that aren't doing worksheets.
These teachers are loving, kind, and working their tails off; they are amazing. They also sure seem to understand kindergarteners and their need for play and excise and movement so what gives?! I needed to know.
Conference night arrives and I sit on the other side of the table from the teachers in both classrooms. We see data on Nolan and Judah's benchmarking for reading, we hear about how well Nolan is reading and how compassionate he is towards others and how Judah is a celebrity at school and seems to know everyone and how helpful he is to his classmates. The teachers show us checklists of things they were doing, sight words they have mastered, and how much their writing has improved from September until now. We also got a couple of cute stories showing how much Nolan and Judah love each other and how excited they are when they get to be together during the school day.
Both these teachers know our boys, nothing they said was a surprise to us- they are the same Nolan and Judah at school as they are at home. Both teachers radiate kindness and love and I feel my shoulders relaxing a bit. Then.... Josh starts in... "So this math homework," he begins... Nolan's teacher gets a look on her face that I know all too well- she is conflicted. She is pulled between wanting to follow what she is being "told" to do (a new trend in education lately- having teachers deliver boxed curriculums with fidelity taking away the art of teaching) and knowing in her heart what is best for kids. I know that look, I've HAD that look. She didn't answer right away, choosing her words carefully I inferred.
Then, she looked us dead in the eyes, "I want your boys to go home and play" was her response.
I almost cried.
I reach across the table and grab her hand. Mom-to-mom, teacher-to-teacher, and say, "Thank you."
We both smile, nod, and move on.
She does not give me explicit permission not to do the homework. She does not tell me she doesn't like it or doesn't believe in it. She doesn't tell me of her frustrations trying to please her principal, curriculum director, and super intendant while also trying to do right by parents, and especially her students. She doesn't get into the lengthy discussion of how rigorous kindergarten is now and how much she longs for more playtime, more creating, more games.
Her words are so simple, but behind them had SO much meaning- she gets it.
Later, at Judah's conference, I get much the same impression- these are educators who want kids to love learning, love school, and find many mediums and avenues for success, not just the worksheets that are sent home. They see these little people as readers, writers, mathematicians, but also singers, dreamers, athletes, cooks, joke-tellers, explorers, scientists, artists, musicians, etc, etc, etc.
I shake my head walking out of the school and Josh asks me what that was for, "I don't know what I was so worried about," I began, "I'm a TEACHER and I went in there expecting to disagree and expecting to get frustrated at how these wonderful women were serving my children. What is the matter with me?! I should know better."
It's hard sending kids off to school. It's hard giving up a bit of your mom control (or for me it's REALLY hard) and putting your trust in other humans to take care of your most precious (times two). I need to keep remembering how wonderful it is to have support from parents as I, the teacher, care for their children in the classroom- as I love them, encourage them, empower them, and hopefully foster a love for learning inside of them. I need to always presume all of that is inside each teacher my boys will have as well and be their biggest ally.
I've already learned a lot of things being on the parent side of the table...
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