Remote Learning Week One: Smiles and Frowns

I have two second graders and one kindergartner who have been in remote learning for about a week.

There is a learning curve in this for us all: kids, parents, teachers. We are all learning technology. Each of us are learning norms, learning new schedules, and learning routines. The chaos of it all and the camaraderie of it all is unique and palpable. We are all working hard and trying our best and that is easy to see. I could go on and on about all the feelings present, what the kids have been doing each day, and how we are all adjusting. Whenever anyone has asked me how things are going, I usually have a lot to say. 

However, I thought I would share some smiles and frowns from the week. We still share these about our day each night at bedtime and the biggest take away is that, no matter what happens, there are smiles and there are frowns each day. Reflecting in this way helps to find the positives when we may feel like there is none and invites us to examine problems that may have come our way that we muddled through. Remote learning, like any day, has both smiles and frowns. 

SMILES

• All three of my boys love their teachers so far- this warms my heart to hear. I know we are ALL worried about the human connections and relationships suffering tremendously while doing remote learning. It's nice my boys feel a connection to their teachers. 
• Judah singing the good morning song to himself before his morning meeting starts.
• Nolan being told he was helpful.
• Us deciding, as a group, to skip some breaks or recess to get our school day done early so we could go swimming. 
• The pride Carter is having in being such a big kid with big Zoom calls.
• Nolan and Judah running around the house to get all the items in a scavenger hunDt they were doing.
• Before school started on the first day, I overheard Nolan giving himself positive self-talk: 'Come on, Nolan, you can do this.' 
• Judah advocating for himself when his teacher was going too fast for him, he put up his hand to say 'stop' and she slowed down for him. 
• Carter participating by sharing his voice every day. 
• Holding Nolan's hand when the first Zoom meeting started at 8:30 and he wasn't let in yet and it was 8:32. He was worried and shaking, but I'm putting it in the smile category because I was able to be there to support him. 
• N and J had to make a poster putting some of 'rules' they felt are most important for their classroom community. We decided to do this as a family since we will all be doing so much learning and working together and I think it turned out great. 

FROWNS

• Nolan and Judah complaining of headaches and fatigue after sitting for such a long time- this is more screen time than my children have ever had in their life. N and J are in front of a screen from 8:30-11:45 with one 15 minute break. In the afternoon, their work is also screen-heavy because we don't have our learning materials yet. We are all majorly struggling with this change and trying to find balance. 
• Trying to juggle all four kids- Preston is big enough that he wants to be all up in everything. He wants to shut computer screens, pull headphone cords out, stick his face in the camera. Carter hasn't had a ton of screen time yet (thank goodness), but I've needed to be very hands on for his learning activities. That's been tricky to do. Although N and J can be fairly independent, they've had their own hiccups and need for support. I can't be with four kids at once. I can't be in four places at once. It's been really, really hard. 
• I've shed quite a few tears during this first week; one epic cry upstairs after the first day. I felt frantic, totally out of control, and failing everywhere that day. It was only a half day, but I felt like I had lived an entire life. 
• I feel trapped. We have this awesome basement setup, but then I feel like I can't leave there in case someone needs me. I'm having a hard time figuring out when things get cleaned or when laundry gets done. As the days go on, I feel a little more comfortable going upstairs for a while with baby P, but it's not been easy. 

• Because Preston has been such a challenge, he's been spending a lot of time with Josh. Josh can take him on a stroller ride while he is on work phone calls, for example. I HATE how much time I'm not spending with my baby. I hate it. I feel guilty that things are easier for me when he's not in the middle of it all. 
• Nolan's thoughts on school after the first day: "Mama, I love school, but that was the hardest day of my life." I know my boys are not online learners- they are doers, they are movers, they are hands on. I see how hard they are trying and I also see the sadness. 

As I read through these, one of the big take-a-ways is that most of these frowns have to do with me- how I'm feeling, how I'm dealing. I don't have the easiest time with change. I don't always adjust right away. I also don't like to feel like things happen TO me; I like to get in front of them. I think the unknown of what this would be like has been really hard for me to handle. These are things that I am hopeful will be fixed with time. I am already learning what schedule works for us, I am planning a lot of non-screen learning activities we can do, I'm feeling more comfortable with the routine.

I also see the extremely high expectations I place on myself and then how hard I am on myself if they aren't met. Balancing three kids in school and a toddler is really, really hard. I can't give everyone what they need. I can't be everywhere at once. There are things that aren't going to get done. I need to give myself grace and mercy. I can dole that out like candy to others, but never ever to myself.

One way to help that? I'm requiring an ice cream treat every Friday night after the kids go to bed so celebrate that I made it through another week. I can't think of a better idea than that :)

Sending you all kinds of love however this year is starting.