The Luckiest No Matter What!

Dear Nolan, 10… TEN… A DECADE?! What? How? You are turning ten. I’ve thought about this many times when you were little. Thinking about what you would be like, what WE would be like. It has happened in a blip. I’ve also been a mom for a decade, which I also can’t fathom.  I am very emotional right now because your youngest brother is going to kindergarten round up tomorrow and I just registered you and Judah for middle school last week. You are ten. First things are happening that I am not ready for and last things are happening that I want to grab onto so tightly. Your Personality I’ll start with your ten year old personality. I think everything I’m going to tell you basically hasn’t changed since you popped out. Nolan, you are aware, helpful, and polite. You feed off of energies and definitely shoulder other people’s feelings especially dad’s and mine. You don’t like us to be upset and you really try hard to make us feel better. When I am melting down, you are running around tryi...

Dear Judah, TEN? TEN! TEN. I am a wreck with this double digit birthday. Happy Birthday, though, my sweet Judah Bean. This has been QUITE a year for you; one where you’ve been pretty much a science experiment. I want to get all this down so that we can go back and marvel at where you started and where you’ve come someday… Science Experiment I’ve been wondering for the past several years if there were more strategies to support your learning and behavior. Particularly with COVID messing with almost three of your school years, students everywhere were all over the place with different needs and adjustments and I think it was important that we let that all ride out. You have an angel for a teacher this year. Early on, she suggested a phone call and got the ball rolling with using this year, the last one in elementary school, to really dig into you to try and unearth anything that may be hindering your brightness. She adores you so much, Judah and it was apparent from those first few weeks...

 Dear Carter, HAPPY EIGHTH BIRTHDAY!!! This year was a big one for you and brought about a lot of changes and a lot of growth.  Things You Are Loving This was the year you learned how to tie your shoes and play basketball on a team coached by Dad. During your eighth year, you discovered a love for magic. You got a magic kit for Christmas and you putting on magic shows is something I really enjoy. You’ve taught yourself many songs on the piano, but haven’t started any lessons yet. Hours and hours of doing the lessons the keyboard has. You playing me some Christmas songs was one of my favorites. You love Cat’s Cradle (a LOT). This was also the year you tried lacrosse and you seem to really love it. One of my greatest joys as your mom is to see you truly enjoy something. You also decided gymnastics wasn’t your thing, which was actually quite surprising considering your talent at it, but I’m glad you spoke up and let us know your needs. When it comes to being outside, you enjoy sh...

Dear Preston, HAPPY FIFTH BIRTHDAY! You are so excited to be five. It’s been very important that people around you have known you are 4.5. I can imagine being able to tell people you’re five is going to be quite exciting. You have much to look forward to: likely being tall enough to climb the St. Augustine lighthouse the next time we visit, being able to ride more rides at amusement parks, being able to go to summer camps and bible school, starting kindergarten. A big time in your life- this five-year-old birthday. You Are My True Sidekick For me, as your mom, this birthday has been making me quite a puddle of tears. Like it or not, you’re last. I can’t IMAGINE letting you go to kindergarten even though it’s only a few months away. I can’t IMAGINE you being gone all day. I can’t IMAGINE not having my grocery store partner, not having you still be in your pjs at 9:00am and us getting ready for the day after your brothers are at school. It’s funny, you being the baby. In some ways you’ve...

I need to just get this out... Monday a body was found on the playground at my sons' elementary school. The early communication of what was going on was vague and even though the email said students were safe, I found myself not fully sure I believed. My mind raced to all kinds of unspeakable places. Kids were dismissed early from school that day. Nolan was white as a ghost when he got in the car. He kept asking me what was going on. He was so scared he didn't eat his lunch. School was canceled for the next day. We had some hard conversations at home with a LOT of questions. Tuesday morning, while my family was hiking in the woods to try to find some peace, my boys heard sirens over and over and over. I received a text from one of my best friends (and a nurse) that she was hearing from the hospital there was an active shooter at the high school. The ERs were preparing for kids to come. My sister called me from the bank where customers were sobbing trying to get a hold of their ...

In 2021, I made a commitment to be more  PLAYFUL.   It was an easy #oneword for me to pick because I knew how much I had been needing it, craving it. Because of my rigidity, my love of consistency, my natural tendencies to over plan, playing is hard for me sometimes. I'm not talking about playing with my kids- that is usually pretty easy, but I'm more speaking to the opportunity to play  instead  of something else. Handling things in a more playful way... choosing to play when I could've chosen to be angry or frustrated. Here are my reflections about the year-long quest to have more play! Pausing One of the things I wanted to do more of in 2022 was pausing before I reacted to situations. If I paused more, I could help myself think about ways in which I could handle things more playfully. While nothing is met with perfection (I have to say that to help remind MYSELF that I couldn't embrace this #oneword with perfect standards), I can absolutely say that I paused more....