The Luckiest No Matter What!

This coming week, I will be saying goodbye to, Lori, one of my closest high school friends,  who lost her very hard and determined battle with cancer.  Receiving the text last Sunday morning that she had passed away crippled and shocked me to my absolute core.  As someone who is rarely at a loss for words (clearly), I've had a really hard time making sense of all this and an even harder time trying to articulate how truly heartbroken I am. Through my grief, what I keep going to is thinking back to high school and remembering just what an amazing friend she was to me and what a special friendship we had. High school is a tumultuous time- there's change, hormones, academic and emotional stress, planning for your future, and the hardest part, for me, an anxious perfectionist, was finding where I truly fit- worrying about having a sense of belonging, of community, figuring out who I was and trying to surround yourself with people who accepted and loved me for that.  ...

We have grandiose plans to be a family who travels. Toronto is one of our very favorite cities.  In fact, and this may be shocking to some of you, we'd MUCH rather go there than Chicago... like hands down.  Did you know it's a bit less than five hours away?  With less horrible traffic?  We didn't either- you're welcome. We absolutely love the walkability of the city- particularly the PATH, which is an underground walkway so that even in bad weather, you can still walk the city.  The people are kind, friendly, polite, and helpful (as Canadians are stereotypically), it is calm and doesn't feel too fast-paced, there is plenty to do and see, the traffic is manageable, the food is sensational, and it has a very European feel.  There is also access to Lake Ontario, a flatiron, a Little Italy (which is essential for this gal when in big cities) Dundas Square (which is like Time's Square), and a beautiful mix of old and new. Toronto's Little Italy Josh and...

Planning for Nolan and Judah's kindergarten life seemed to start such a long time ago.  I remember, when they were very little infants, thinking about sending them off to school one day.   Sleeping together just a few days old I can imagine this thinking happened in the middle of the night one time when I was up nursing two humans or walking Nolan back and forth in the basement because that was the only way he'd stay quiet or rocking Judah in a chair very very  early in the morning.  There's not much else to do in those moments except think inside your head- too dark to read and we didn't DARE turn on a TV because of the noise or surf around on a phone because the light might  wake someone up so you just thought... I probably cried while thinking about their first day of kindergarten knowing that it would be here so quickly, but also feeling so grateful to even be able to think like that at all.  After having two miscarriages, I never planned fo...

I always seem to want to start posts like this, of updates, with something about time and how much it flies.  Preston, thankfully, is getting bigger every day, stronger every day, and somehow cuter every day.  I was just telling Josh the other day how much I am enjoying him.  Babies are amazing and that stage goes by like the quickest blink.  Because Preston is not a twin, because Carter and Preston are three years apart instead of two, and because Preston is my last baby, I am taking time to appreciate the busyness that comes from having an infant around and I truly am enjoying it.   What We've Learned About Preston: These past two months have been fun to be a part of- there's rolling over, a strong head in tummy time, laughs that sound like heaven, him smiling with his whole face anytime he sees his brothers or someone else familiar, baby coos that let us all know, in the midst of our busy lives with three other young kids, that he's here too, and...

I started a blog yesterday, which I've decided to totally scrap.   It was to Nolan and Judah about how I was going to let go of them in a way I hadn't yet.  How they were walking off into a bigger world with more people and more influences and more knowledge and more choices and more freedom (and less Mama).  I was going to wish them a year of feeling safe, of feeling loved, of feeling important and that they would put all of those things right back into the universe by being kind, welcoming, and helpful.   I was going to mention how I was praying they would each have a sharp, hardworking mind, a listening ear, and an open, compassionate heart.  But then today happened... We were cleaning up their room- I'm a firm believer in beginning anything new with organized, tidy spaces.  We had just gotten done putting away laundry and making beds and were working on picking out "first day" outfits.  My boys love to dress up for special occasions...

I pride myself on being pretty on top of things: I'm obsessive, a worrier, a planner, and a control freak.  I work very hard at remembering like everything all the time.  This is a perfect cocktail. #MyCrazy To be honest, I rarely forget things, miss things, show up without things, or do anything without being as prepared as one, who is all those things above, might be.  You should see me (or Josh, frankly) plan trips.  It's kinda a freak show of Excel spread sheets, research, top ten sightseeing books, and notes and plans written down and placed in a manilla folder we carry everywhere.   I say all of this not to embarrass myself, although I'm sure I have a bit, but so that you can understand how active my brain must be.  It is full all the time- full to the freaking rim. I hate  it, HATE  it when I forget things or don't know things I should know. #MyCrazy is my greatest strength and my Achilles heel. However, these last several months,...

My teaching partner, Katie and I, talk a lot to our sixth graders about what they want to be when they grow up and also what WE want to be when WE grow up ;). While learning about a man who discovered a pre-clovis spearhead that could completely change the story of who our Native Americans are and where they came from, I screamed out, "I SO want to be an archeologist when I grow up!" When watching a documentary, Guns, Germs, and Steel, on the history of power and white privilege in our world, I throw my hands in the air and yell, "Dr. Dimond!  He traveled all over the world and made his life's work trying to figure out why some groups have power and others don't?!  THAT'S what I want be when I grow up!" On the completion of the novel A Long Walk to Water , we find out that one of the main characters is real and has devoted his life to bringing water access to his home country of South Sudan.  I slam my hands on the desk and declare, "Now I...