The Luckiest No Matter What!

"From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required. From one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded." Luke 12:48 I have birthed and am currently raising four white males living, playing, and being educated in a generally socioeconomically advantaged community. They have two supportive parents who love them unconditionally, who work and will work tirelessly expecting their kindness, respect, and compassion. Each of my boys has a support system filled with family and friends who would do anything for them. To say they are "lucky" or "blessed" is an understatement.  The second each of these boys was yanked out of my body, doors were open to them immediately just by being born to Josh and me, just by having a light skin color, just by being born into suburbia in The United States of America, and frankly, just by having a penis.  That does not mean my children will not struggle, they certainly will and have. That does ...

Week ten- Wow. Sheesh. Do you ever just sit and think like what is this life?! How can we have done this for such a long time?! There were so many moments, at first, where I thought I could only make it a few weeks before completely cracking. Let me be clear- I've cracked, like several times. But I've been able to pick myself back up and keep chugging. We sure are grateful for the warmer temperatures!  This virus has made things complicated and difficult for us all with varying degrees. It has also robbed us all of things. I'm not talking about the obvious, heartbreaking, and staggering loss of human life. I'm talking about the more muted lifestyle robbery. We have all missed vacations, celebrations, and important time with family and friends. I think of seniors (both high school and college) often and all that's been taken from them in this quarantine: prom, picnics, open houses, pranks, dinners, graduations, goodbyes. Some of the best moments of my pre-adultin...

These last few weeks, things have been... well... predictable. The fact that I am using the word predictable to describe a situation that is anything but is a little wild to me. It is now predictable to my children that we will stay home. It is now predictable that Josh will work upstairs. It is now predictable that our car will sit in the garage for days without being driven. It is now predictable that my mom will come watch them play from outside the fence and my children won't hug her. It is now predictable that they will only see their teachers and friends on a computer screen. It is predictable that if the weather is nice, we will go outside. If the weather isn't, mom will protest and refuse because one shouldn't be shivering outside in May. It is even predictable what people might be having for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as we keep rotating similar meals around and around. Remote learning was in full swing and we knew what to expect and when to expect it...

This year I told Josh that the greatest gift I could get for Mother's Day is to be left alone.  I'm aware that goes very much against what Mother's Day stands for as I would never BE a mother without the four little guys that are always around me. However, on this particular year, with us being home for the last eight weeks, the most amazingly thoughtful thing I thought I could get is some time alone. I am never ever ever alone right now. Never ever ever.  There is more togetherness in my family than ever. This brings about a lot of joy, but also a lot of frustration.  I see the joy in how much playing and pretending and imagining my boys are doing together. I see the joy in how everyone is benefiting from consistency and routine and not only family dinners, but lunches as well.  I see the frustration in the lack of patience from both Josh and I in dealing with the same dysfunction, the same bickering, the same sibling issues over and over. I see the frustrat...

Dear Nolan, HAPPY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY! This is your golden birthday. Daddy and I are looking real forward to making this birthday a special one amidst the Coronavirus Pandemic going on in our world right now. Because of how contagious and dangerous this new virus is, we have been asked to stay at home to stay safe. Daddy’s working upstairs and we are downstairs learning and playing together for the last 7.5 weeks. We cannot touch or see (unless from a distance) our family and friends and need a mask in order to go in public. This drastic new life has been hard on all of us. You’ve been a model student for me as long as I keep you busy ;) Idle hands, for you, are dangerous. Your zest and love of learning have made a wonderful positive attitude in the house. You’re game to learn anything, try anything, experiment with anything, read anything. I sure hope I am challenging and stimulating you enough- you deserve that. You are dealing with this virus and changes just as I thought you would-...

Dear Judah, HAPPY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY! This is your golden birthday- you are seven on the seventh. I’m certain we will talk about this birthday often and it’s uniqueness will spread far beyond it being your golden birthday. We are in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic- schools are closed, we have to wear a mask to be in public, and we cannot see our family or friends. Daddy is working from home upstairs, the rest of us are together… oh so much togetherness for the last seven weeks.  We’ve been doing home school of sorts and it’s been challenging to stay the least. It’s very hard to balance everyone’s needs and wants and help all of you learn and progress forward. You don’t always buy what I’m selling, either. You love to learn, but you don’t give away your love for learning on just anything... it has to be the right thing. Right now you are super into animals, bugs, and the general small details in the outside world. When we go on walks, you’ll be lagging behind sign...

Dear Carter, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are FIVE and I can’t believe it! What a huge year for you- I don’t even know if I’ll be able to do it justice capturing it here. The place I need to start is with what you’ve overcome. In December, you gave us a huge scare as your platelets were dangerously low and we had to spend some time in the hospital getting them back up. You were diagnosed with a blood disorder called ITP. This has brought some worry and several doctors appointments into our life, but you’ve been doing wonderful and are about to go there in a few days hoping to get cleared as back to normal! This whole medical process has brought an interest in all things ‘doctor’ to you. You love playing doctor and going through the whole process of taking blood and checking platelets and doing treatments. Maybe you’ll be a doctor or nurse someday; that would be such an awesome story! We are so glad you are okay.  I need you to know, right now, that things are super weird around he...

Dear Preston, HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY! In some ways it feels like I just brought you home from the hospital, our final boy, our littlest little guy. In others, I don’t remember a single second without you. You fit so seamlessly well into the family that I can’t imagine a time when you weren’t there. I need you to know, right now, that things are super weird around here. There is a virus in our country and in our world called the Corona Virus and it is so contagious and dangerous and new that we’ve had to drastically change our daily life. All six of us have been at home, together, for the last 7 weeks. Schools are closed, we have to go grocery shopping with a mask and gloves on, and we are not allowed to see our family. Daddy is working upstairs and the rest of us have been together. This has been very hard for everyone. You though, my sweet boy, will have no recollection of this at all- you won’t remember anything about it and that is so strange. I’d say you love this quarantine th...