To My Four White Sons: Much Good is Expected of You

"From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required. From one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded." Luke 12:48

I have birthed and am currently raising four white males living, playing, and being educated in a generally socioeconomically advantaged community. They have two supportive parents who love them unconditionally, who work and will work tirelessly expecting their kindness, respect, and compassion. Each of my boys has a support system filled with family and friends who would do anything for them. To say they are "lucky" or "blessed" is an understatement. 

The second each of these boys was yanked out of my body, doors were open to them immediately just by being born to Josh and me, just by having a light skin color, just by being born into suburbia in The United States of America, and frankly, just by having a penis. 

That does not mean my children will not struggle, they certainly will and have. That does not mean they will not be met with challenges, won't experience loss, sadness, worry, failure. Those things fall on us all as human beings.

However, it has never been lost on me for a single second that they have been placed at the top. They have been given much, which makes high expectations of their human good to be a requirement for each of #hundtboysx4. MUCH has been given to them and therefore, MUCH will be expected. 

Each of my boys has a responsibility to care: not everyone begins at the same starting line. My boys need to acknowledge this and be inclusive, welcoming, inviting. They need to want to make change, to want to combat inequities.

Each of my boys has a responsibility to be a fantastic and active listener. One of the best things they can do to begin to make a positive impact is to pay attention to the many voices that are out there, especially voices that may be very different from their own. 

Each of my four boys has a responsibility to be the best ally to those who cannot speak for themselves or to communities who are not listened to.

Each of my boys has a responsibility to stand up for what is right.

Each of my boys has a responsibility to set a good example of kindness, of compassion, of empathy to anyone and everyone. 

Each of my boys as a responsibility to be self-aware: to constantly be examining their own prejudices, their own actions that could be perpetuating racism, sexism, etc. It is uncomfortable to look inward this way, but necessary to do good work moving forward.    

Each of my boys has a responsibility to serve: serve their school, serve their community, serve their world. 

Each of my boys has a responsibility to use their privilege, their advantages, to help others. 

These last few weeks, we have seen innocent people, George Floyd, Ahmuad Aubrey, die. We've been able, as a human race, to actually WATCH it. There is no political or media spin, no misunderstanding, no confusion actually SEEING it happen with your own eyes. It is therefore, all of our responsibilities, to DO SOMETHING and to DO BETTER. There is work to do, there has been work to do. 

I don't have all the answers as I am still seeking them myself, but here are a few things I would offer to other parents out there who might be reading:

1. Make your home library diverse. Just google diverse picture books or books with POC as main characters and you will have a plethora of high quality text to chose from. 
2. Talk to your kids about what's going on, talk to your kids about race. 
3. Support them in learning history from multiple perspectives and through multiple lenses. Much of their social students learning will be from a white man's perspective as that dominates our literature and textbooks so supplement!
4. Be an ally yourself, put out that good example for your kids to see. If you stay quiet, so will they. If you don't serve others, they won't either. 
5. Examine your own prejudices, and beliefs. 


I think about that Bible verse at the top daily... calling me and my privilege to do good, to be an ally, calling me as a parent to do better knowing the gifts my boys have to which much will be expected of them.