The Luckiest No Matter What!

I didn't really know what to write about this week. Other weeks, I've had epiphanies or meltdowns or rocking successes or some real thoughtful reflections... This one was, honestly, much of the same... teaching, learning, playing, fighting monotony, fighting anarchy, some days good, some days not.  The weather has really been getting to me here in Michigan. It's been mostly crap and that makes everything that is already hard even harder. I'm to the point now where I am sick of being cold, sick of blizzard-feeling winds, sick of clouds to the point where I don't even want to go outside if it's below my expectations.  All four of my boys have birthdays the first week of May. Back when the first stay at home order went through, in mid March, I was certain beyond belief that we'd be back at it by their birthdays. I never questioned their family birthday party having to be postponed. As the weeks have went by, it's sunk in more and more, for me and for...

Admitting you need help is hard.  Asking for help is hard.  Accepting help is hard.  This week I cracked. I was impatient, snappy, and on the brink of tears throughout most of the beginning of the week. I tried to fix it by making sure I went to bed a bit earlier, by trying to start each day with a fresh clean slate, by trying to look for positives where I could, but by Wednesday I was feeling like none of it was helping enough to pull myself out. I had lost my temper multiple times and everything was annoying me and frustrating me. I clearly needed some help.   I went and told Josh, through tears, that I needed him to look at his calendar over the next few weeks and clear some hours or take a day off if possible so that I could not be with the kids. I had been wearing this mom, teacher, and United Nations Peacekeeper hat for almost five weeks straight every minute of every day with no escape, with no break, with no end in sight. I wasn't expecti...

Is it really true that we've been staying home for four weeks?!  In most regards, this has felt vvvveeerrryyy long, but the days do go by fast and we are busy. Part of my surprise is the fact that I'm still standing. I remember when the stay home, stay safe order went in to effect on March 14th. I told myself I could totally do this for two weeks and then I would probably fall apart. Then, as time continues to go on, I think I can make it another week or two before I'll really lose it.  I'm still here.  What I've realized is that this whole experience is more of a roller coaster than a run to a finish line. Sometimes I'm feeling successful, positive, and able to handle everything one minute and then the next I feel like I'm completely undone. So instead of trying to make it to some arbitrary date before losing all my marbles, I lose them periodically on any given day at any given moment ;) The positive side of this is that I am making it, day by ...

We've been staying home, staying safe now for 26 days. Besides spending time in nature, I have went to three grocery stores during that time and that.is.it. Grocery shopping is a very close frenemy of mine. Before Josh and I had kids, we used to go grocery shopping together. We'd often go on a random Friday night. It was really nice- we'd talk and enjoy each other's company while there and put everything away together when we got home. I loved grocery shopping then.  The first few years we had kids, I began to HATE grocery shopping. Josh did most of it and I'd be at home with the kids, which was always difficult. Then I'd put everything away while my very small children were likely screaming, tantruming, and destroying the house. The whole thing felt overwhelming, even the list making before hand. I was way too tired for that crap.  The last year or so, I've been doing the bulk of the grocery shopping. Sometimes I will take Preston and Carter with me, ...

Thursday. A day I won't soon forget. I began the day as I have been lately, journaling and watching the news. I happened to catch a story of a 30 year old teacher and coach from New Jersey who died of the Corona Virus. The journalist was speaking with his wife and tears were just streaming down my face. This person had already been treated at the hospital and was responding well to oxygen treatments and meds. He was sick and uncomfortable, but managing. He went to bed and never woke up. He had no preexisting conditions and was healthy. There are stories like these as well as stories about the population this is affecting the most, but this story stuck with me huge. Our 'school' or whatever you want to call it started at 8:30 with our usual community meeting where we greet each other, talk about the upcoming day, and read a picture book together. Even though I maintained my composure despite my shook-ness from earlier, I knew this day was going to be a memorable one. How...