NOLAN and JUDAH are FIVE

The two boys who made me a mommy are turning five!  Kindergarten is on the horizon... I can't.  I will never think of May 7th and not get emotional- I remember so vividly being told by Josh that "It's a boy!" when Nolan came out and "It's a boy!" when Judah arrived 90 seconds later.  I was a mom...times two.  My life was enriched and changed... times two.  I was lucky... times two.  

My thoughts to them both...

Dear Nolan,

YOU ARE FIVE!!!  

Daddy and I just took you and Judah to kindergarten round up today at Cornell.  You both decided to wear ties so not only did the fact that you were twins make an impression, but your dapper outfits certainly did too.  I went in the room with you and watched you pick a station, sit down, and talk with the adult there and almost burst into tears.  How are you such a person?!  I tell you guys all the time that you can’t possibly be doing all the things that you are doing because I just took you home for the hospital.  That’s how quick it feels to me.

During this last year, you continued to be steadfast in your love for building, books, and playing outside, but have added some new interests.  You are getting obsessed with sports recently.  Not necessarily playing them (although you do love to play basketball and tennis especially with some baseball and soccer thrown in), but the numbers behind spots.  The scores, the stats, the game itself.  You pick all these teams that you like and follow them.  You want to ask all the time who we would root for in different games or you can’t wait to check scores when you wake up in the morning.  I’m interested to see where this will go. 

You have always loved music, but you are beginning to get into music competition shows and doing concerts for all of us in the fireplace room.  Taking a music class at MSU also helped this interest. 

Nolan, you are at your best when you are busy with a project- having something to keep you occupied has been key.  If you are not occupied, you are less gentle and more impulsive as you will go searching for your own fun and your own plan, which doesn’t always turn out well. 

This makes me need to tell you that I am hard on you- probably harder on you than I am on anyone else.  Your awareness of others, your empathy, and your compassion are functioning at such a high level that sometimes I forget that you’re only four.  So when you might make a questionable decision, say something unkind, or hurt someone with your body- I flip out because you know better.  I say that because you really do, in fact, know better.  You know how things feel, you can label your emotions, and I know you never want anyone around you to be sad.  I get really upset at you when you are the cause of any chaos in our house.  I know that’s not always fair as you are still learning just like everyone else. 

You have really been working on reading and math; your memory blows me away.  I can’t believe how many words your recognize and how much math you are doing in your head.  Especially with time- you can figure out what time it is, what time something starts and then figure out how much time we have before it’s time to leave or go somewhere. 

Your imagination is my favorite- you help orchestrate so much play in our house- playing store, playing restaurant, building castles, apartments, schools, sky scrapers, playing doctor, getting phone calls from “work” and constantly juggling your busy “work” schedule, playing school, concerts, basketball.  You even invented a sweet baseball game that uses a fireman’s hat recently.  It’s really fun to watch your brain tick and it is always ticking, my friend…. Always ticking. 

Thank you, for your kindness this year, as Mommy has been growing your little brother/sister in my belly.  As I’ve gotten bigger and slower, you and Judah have stepped up huge to take care of me.  You run to pick things up off of the floor and you and your brothers have given me so many doctors check ups over these last months to make sure the baby is okay.  You’ve taken a great interest in him/her and taken great care to make sure I am always okay.  I will always remember this and always be so so grateful for the help and consideration. 

I hope this next year continues your love for learning, your love of reading, your love of creating. 

I want you know that I’ve noticed how cuddly and snuggly you’ve been too and it means everything to me.  I love how much you try to climb on my lap, snuggle in next to me, and ask for kisses and hugs.  Please don’t ever ever stop. 

Happy 5^th Birthday, Nolan!  You were the first one to pop out and make me a mom and I have loved that job more than any other in my world.  I can’t wait to support you in this next big year to come.

You’re my favorite Nolan that’s ever been.  I love you.

-Mommy

Dear Judah,

I am writing you this letter, for your FIFTH birthday a little earlier than I would because of the new baby coming!  You are currently on the way to the dump and Home Depot with Daddy and your brothers; one of your favorite outings.

I have been joking with all of you that I can’t believe how big you are and that I just took you home from the hospital.  Even though this makes you laugh a lot, there is such truth there.  I really do think sometimes that I just brought you home from the hospital.  I remember so vividly holding you and Nolan in my arms letting this incredible amount of love wash over me as I became a mom for the first time.  How can you be this old?! 

  

This year has been a wonderful one for you.  You’ve enjoyed school to the fullest- working hard, trying your best, playing with all kinds of friends.  You’ve made a ton of progress in your speech classes, and got to try out some new experiences- soccer, gymnastics, and a music class.  You loved all of these.

Other things you love are playing with cars (especially when Nolan is building things with Magnitiles), playing trains, being outside to do anything and everything, doing art projects, and being perfectly content spending time with people or spending time alone.  You still love books and cooking too!

Getting you to hurry to do anything is a challenge- you take your time eating, you take your time getting ready, you take your time cleaning up, and you often take your time walking places.  This drives me bananas because I, on the other hand, am in a hurry everywhere (even if I don’t need to be).  I am hopeful I can learn a lot from you because I think the positive of your slowness is that you take time to really see things, really smell things, really think about things.  This is probably why you find things and notice things all the time. 

You are very into making sure everyone around you makes good decisions and choices and we’ve been reminding you that although that can be helpful, we really want you to make sure you worry about you 😉 You have two very hands-on parents… you brothers do not need another mom or dad 😉

One of the biggest things I want to thank you for this past year is the kindness you and shown me and your new baby brother/sister.  You have been the most incredible big big brother and care taker to me as I’ve been pregnant.  You jump up to pick things off the floor for me, you are patient as I’ve gotten bigger and been more limited with my movements, and are the most gentle little nugget around my belly.  You also talk to the baby all the time, kiss my belly, tell the baby how much you love him/her, and talk a lot about how much you’re going to help and spend time with the baby.  It’s been so incredibly sweet.  I could not have asked for a more thoughtful older sibling for this baby.  I think you’re going to be the most incredible big big brother this little guy or gal could have.  You know how much your care has meant to me because I tell you all the time, but someday when you read this when you are bigger I want you to know how much I noticed and how much it meant to me.  You seriously could not have been more gentle and considerate during these 9ish-10ish months. 

In two days, I will take you and Nolan to kindergarten roundup and I just can’t even.  We’ve been practicing reading and writing and math around here and I just can’t even about those things either.  I’m so grateful you love to learn. 

I hope, as this fifth year gets started, that you remember to use your voice to let people know what you need, how to make things better for you, and to verbally share your emotions and problem solving.  I hope you continue to soak in all the knowledge and experiences you can.  I hope you keep your confidence as preschool ends and kindergarten begins- you have so much to offer any learning community with your hard work, open mind/heart, and positive friendly nature.  I hope you continue to love spending time with your brothers, especially Nolan.  Your friendship is special and rare and incredible to watch as you both take such good care of one another.  I hope you keep finding things that you love to do and that you keep being excited and energetic about adventures we have and things we try.  And maybe most of all, selfishly, I hope you keep coming up to me, at random moments, to snuggle quickly and tell me you love me.  Those small things mean the WORLD to me, your very proud and honored Mama.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDAH BEAN.

I love you,

Mommy