Sunday, March 10, 2013

Telling Co-Workers, Facebook, and Students

December 7th, 2012 (16 Weeks, 4 Days)
I have to say, and will continue to say, that I keep this big secret not because I don't trust people, not because I don't want people that I care about to know, but because of my own issues in my own head.  My own crippling fear.  With that being said...

I was "out" to my family and now it was December 7th, my work Christmas Party and this was a deadline I had signed about when to "out" myself at work about the pregnancy.

I decided the best way to do this was to wear a tight shirt so that my little babies bump could tell the news for me.  Then maybe people would just start seeing it and just make their own conclusions and I would never have to say a thing...sounds great!

So...Josh and I get to the party and I make him drive around the block at least three times before I have the courage to go in.  We park, get out, and enter greeting everyone. My coat is still on at this point. 

Josh asks me, "So, can I take your coat?"  Those words feel like a million pounds on me.

I answer, "Nope, I'm good."  Josh glares at me.

Josh invites again a few minutes later, "Okay, I'll take your coat now."

I answer, "I'm okay, but thanks!"  More glares from not only Josh, but my teaching partner and a few special people (including my boss) who know about this plan.

Josh kindly invites me into the laundry/washroom area where people are placing coats and purses.  You can imagine our conversation...

Josh: Seriously Kristin, this is the plan, you're going to be fine, everyone is going to be so excited!
Kristin: I can't do this.
Josh:  Yes you can!  These are people who you care about and who care about you, it's time!
Kristin: I can't do this. (Probably said in repetition a few more times)
Kristin: Sorry...  I can't do this.  

FINALLY, I take off my stupid coat and try to walk out casually while my hands are sweaty and there are butterflies in my stomach.  

Thankfully, the people I work with are AMAZING and know me and get me.  Knowing that I would never "announce" anything per say, people who already knew about the pregnancy started the conversation for me. My teammate would walk up to someone and be like, "Don't you like Kristin's shirt?"  Once someone would take a look at me, and see my bump, they would give me a strange look. 
Then I would say, "It's okay, you can ask." 
They would ask, "Are you pregnant?"
I would answer "Yes!"   

Eventually the twins thing would come up and then I was "out" at work.  People, of course, were nothing short of amazing.  There were some tears, lots of positive words and promises of prayers and so many understandings about my fear and why it had taken so long to say something.  I work with the best people ever! :)  

FACEBOOK: January 2nd (20 Weeks, 1 Day)
One of the best presents I got for Christmas was Photo Shop!  While I am extremely novice in my skills so far, I knew my first project would be to create some way of telling the world (aka facebook) about the babies.  Because we could not get one picture with both babies together, since now they are too big, I needed to create one.  I also wanted to throw in something about the new year in my creation.

So, the post was born :) I'm sure you can imagine how much my hands were shaking and how long it took me to finally push the "publish" button. 

January 7th, 2013 (20 weeks and 6 days)

For the past month/month and a half, I've had to be pretty careful at what I have been wearing to school because of my little babies bump. There have been a lot of big sweaters, wrap sweaters, and hooded sweatshirts. Even still, there have been rumors from a few of my kids that I might be pregnant. I wanted to wait as long as possible to tell my kids. Again, it has nothing to do with them, it's because I know I won't be able to handle the constant questions from them about the twins.

With my cute new maternity shirts though, I knew it was time. I was big enough now that it would be near impossible to hide the bump.

In true Kristin fashion, I showed up to school wearing a tight maternity shirt and let my belly speak for me. The kids were buzzing right away. We talked about it together in community meeting that morning and I decided to be honest. I let them know about Mr. Hundt and my struggles to get and stay pregnant and about our two miscarriages last year. I explained to them why I had waited such a long time to tell them about how scared I was and still am. They took this conversation like champs. They were mature, empathetic, and understanding while still being super excited about the babies.

My students were the last piece of the puzzle...I am out, out, out!

Keep hoping, keep praying...

20 Week Appointment

December 28th, 2012: 19 weeks, 4 days
The day if FINALLY here!  We made it to our 20 week appointment, the big ultrasound! 

The babies were amazing!!!!!!!!!  They were moving and huge and unlike anything we have ever seen. 

BABY A STATS: In the 62 percentile, 160 heartbeat

Baby A: Profile
Baby A: Profile

Baby A's Hand covering its face :)  Please stop taking pictures of me! 

BABY B STATS: In the 60th percentile, 155 heartbeat
Baby B: Profile

Baby B: Profile
Baby B's Feet: They were crossed facing the top of my belly :) 

ME: 20 Weeks!!!!!!!

Josh: 20 Weeks and Sick :(

Big Milestone!  So thankful!

Keep hoping...Keep praying...

Best Christmas Present: First Outside Kicks

December 26th: 19 weeks, 2 days
Today is the anniversary of Josh and my first date which took place December 26th, 2000.  On that night, Josh came over, we sledded in my cul-da-sac on huge hill of snow, and watched In the Army Now.  We also had our first kiss. 

12 years later, on that same day, while watching TV, I thought I felt a kick on the outside in the lower left part of my stomach while Josh was at work.  I have never felt something like that and was so hopeful that was really what I was feeling, but tried not to get my hopes up. 

Later that night, after saying our nightly prayers, I asked the babies, "Did you really kick me today?"  I swear I felt a little wack to the left of my belly button.  Josh felt it too! 

Could it be?  That little reassure I've been getting on the inside that things are okay with the babies could be happening on the outside?! 

My heart could not have swelled any bigger. 

The fact that Josh and I could share it together on such a special day for us was even better. 

No matter how worried I continue to be, I will admit, I am SO in love with these babies already! 

Keep praying...Keep hoping...


December 25th: 19 Weeks
Josh and I have a Christmas journal that we write in every year.  It was something we found at Bronner's.  There are questions in there about what family gatherings took place, what food was served, what gifts were exchanged.  We always put a picture in there too each year of our tree and gifts.  I leafed through the past couple of years and although there was a lot of joy and A LOT to be thankful for, last year's journal carried with it a lot of sadness.  We wrote about the baby we had lost and the fact that it was our first Christmas without my brother.  We wrote about our desire to be parents and our hopelessness about ever getting there.  It was honest, but not exactly a typical journal about Christmas. 

This year's Christmas was special.  While I did not want any gifts for the babies (still way too far away from them getting here for something crazy like that).  I did ask my family for maternity clothes this year and that's basically all I got. 

There are so many small moments throughout this pregnancy when I arrive to these places that I NEVER thought I would get to.  I have hoped and hoped to be in a place where I could wear maternity clothes for such a long time.  It was amazing to unwrap yet another cute shirt or a pair of jeans with that elastic on top. 

While I'm still feeling nervous and apprehensive and a little stir crazy since we haven't had a doctor's appointment in about four weeks, I am overwhelmed with appreciaition.  Every day these babies show me what a miracle they and how lucky I am to be a part of this. 

Keep hoping, keep praying... 

Christmas 2012: 19 Weeks Exactly :)