The Luckiest No Matter What!

Thursday November 22, 2012: 14 weeks 3 days So, I'm 14 weeks now and we have been continuing to keep this pregnancy a secret.  No one but our immediate family and a few close friends has been privy to our good news over the last three months.  I know people who have kept up with Josh and I on our journey to become parents are not surprised by our (well mostly my) secrecy.  I am still terrified all the time waiting for the bad news to come.  To tell the world out loud that we are pregnant and pregnant with twins would be the ultimate relinquishing of control, which is my biggest enemy to faith.  If those words get said out loud, I cannot take them back, I cannot know the conversations that might take place away from my presence, and I cannot shake the feeling that I would be jinxing myself and these babies if I am honest.  We decided we were going to share our news on Thanksgiving....what more could we be thankful for?!  It seemed like the perfect time.  My grandma was going to

November 6, 2012: 12 Weeks Finally, after not being sure my sanity could wait a second longer... Finally, after many mornings and evenings crying tears of worry and fret... Finally, after four weeks of roller coaster emotions (including passing the due date of our second pregnancy/miscarriage)... We found ourselves at Lansing OBGYN for my 12 week appointment.  THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! This appointment, from what I was told, was a time to weigh me, take my blood pressure, have my urine tested, and hear the babies' heartbeats on a Doppler. When the nurse called us back she first asked me how I was feeling.  I still continue to be uncomfortable with that question because I want to answer: grateful, appreciative, thankful.  I don't want to say nauseous or exhausted because those things are not even a blip on my radar.  I just want to still be pregnant, no matter what, the.end.  I answered her, "pretty good."  Josh sort of coughed next to me.  I knew what that

End of October/Early November 2012: Somewhere in Limbo, waiting for week 12 doctor's appointment People always talk about weird pregnancy eating habits during first trimester.  The very few people in our life that know we are pregnant always ask me how I'm feeling and ask me about food and what I've been eating.  I decided to write this blog so that I could remember how I've been feeling in these early stages and what's been going on with me and food :) I've definitely had interesting 'anytime' sickness.  I haven't been able to pinpoint a pattern, but there are times throughout the day, several, where I do not feel great.  I haven't puked, thank God, and I honestly don't see myself doing that.  I would do just about ANYTHING to avoid throwing up.  I do find myself not feeling great right before and right after eating.  The during part of eating has been strange too.  I will be enjoying a feast of something and then suddenly, I will hav

Late October 2012: In Limbo Waiting for 12 Week Doctor's Appointment So this week, I was extra exhausted for some reason.  I'm hoping that means that the babies are doing some serious growing! :)  Because I am an extreme control freak, I have tried to find things within this pregnancy that I can control since there is so much that I cannot.  One thing I can control is how much rest I'm getting.  I have been going to bed super early, sometimes even in the 8s, and have allowed myself the occasional nap if I accidentally fall asleep watching TV or something.  This week though, I napped every single day after school!  It was glorious! I feel like I'm letting my body do something it obviously needs and that I am helping the babies while doing it.  These naps have also helped offset how much I'm waking up in the middle of the night worrying so I embrace them!  Keep praying...Keep hoping...