The Luckiest No Matter What!

Week of October 25th, 2012: 9 Weeks I am a basketcase....a certified crazy basketcase... I'm having a heck of a hard time not getting seen by a doctor this week.    The most difficult part of leaving our last appointment (at 8 weeks) was knowing that we would not have another appointment until week 12.  This could bring tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  It will have been the longest we weren't seen by a doctor, unless we were on a break from medicine, in well over two years.  No ultrasounds, no reassurance, nothing.  Lord help me!  This time is dragging by slower than I ever imagined time to drag.  I'm constantly paranoid, constantly scared, constantly worried.  I honestly think the biggest struggle is this fact... 9 weeks is as long as I've ever made it pregnant.  This realization, this fact, is haunting me day in and day out. to the point where I am not even sleeping well. I don't know how "normal" pregnant people do this 9 month thin

October 9th, 2012: 8 weeks We are back at Lansing OBGYN for another checkup.  We were kinda sneaky and tried to play Sparrow and U of M so that we could see our babies and hear their heartbeats as often as possible during this early time especially since I had been bleeding in right before week 6.  This appointment, since we were just at U of M, was not technically necessary, but we kept it anyway..DUH!  I have no family pictures to show because we didn't get to take any home at this appointment.  Josh and I aren't good at multitasking so we didn't even think  to take our own picture while the ultrasound was up.  We just couldn't keep our eyes off of our babies :)  Both babies were still great and their heartbeats were in the 170s.  Again, they continue to grow so quickly looking like larger tadpoles now.    Keep praying...keep hoping...

October 4, 2012: 7 weeks, 3 days.. Conferences are this week.  Not exactly the best time to be extrememly terrified and worried every single second.  Although I can't "check" myself as often at school as I'd like, I know that after 3:30...I can go to the bathroom whenever and however often I want.  Conferences throw a wrench into that.  It's really hard to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour when you are seeing 18 parents back to back all night long.  It does, however, help time go by fast, which is a blessing in of itself.  Finally, we got to go to Ann Abor this time to have another ultrasound.  We pretended we didn't know it was twins so the doctors in Ann Abor could feel like they were telling us for the first time.  As much as I LOVE everything about the Center for Reproductive Medicine at UofM...I've gotten a lot of bad news at these ultrasounds so I couldn't help but freak out the entire drive down.  The ultrasound went great! 

September 27th: 6 weeks and 3 days... Because of my bleeding Monday, our first ultrasound at Lansing OBGYN got moved up.  Although I don't like the reason, this was completely okay with me, as I would prefer to be seen by a doctor every single day during pregnancy! Thankfully, I was not bleeding anymore.  After Mondays episode, the bleeding continued to slow down to a hault and quickly.  In the waiting room, I could not have been more nervous or terrified.  I couldn't concentrate on the book I brought and was on the edge of tears/breakdown the entire wait.  As I layed down on the ultrasound table, I noticed right away that the monitor was turned AWAY from Josh and I.  I was so not cool with that.  Don't get me wrong, I know why they do that...in case the news is bad, they don't want you to see it first.  I am not what people would call a normal pregnancy case..hello?!  I can read ultrasounds in my sleep, I've had hundreds by now.  I'm much more comfortabl

Monday September 24th...5 weeks and 6 days I bled today. I'm crazy and always think I'm bleeding so I go to the bathroom to 'check' as often as my job as teacher will allow.  Today though it was different and I knew for sure it was blood.  I actually left my students, who had just walked in and were getting prepared, to run down the hall to the nearest bathroom and checked.  I prayed and prayed and prayed my instinct was wrong, but it wasn't.  I was bleeding.  Having a room full of kids who need you sobers you up real quick so I went back into my classroom and went about my day as normal for an hour until lunch.  I was able to see my teaching partner to whisper in her ear that I was bleeding and she immediately showed me that her arm was covered in goose bumps.  I raced straight to the bathroom again...still bleeding.  Josh alerted the proper authorities (Ann Arbor and my OBGYN in Lansing) and I alerted everyone who knew we were pregnant and the next thing I

September 10th, 2012 So after much debate, worrying, and over analyzing, I decided to take my pregnancy test a day early.  Well really, in all honesty, about 12 hours early.  I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldn't sleep and would end up getting up tine middle of the night to take it either way.  My friend Corey gave me the last friendly shove I needed as I was leaving school so I stopped at CVS, and went home to do what you do when you take a pregnancy test.  Josh was on his way home.  He walked in to me on the toilet showing him the test... IT WAS POSITIVE Each time I've been pregnant, my reaction has a little different, but there's one thing all three of them have in common...tears and lots of them.  I felt like I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't stand it.  I was elated and terrified, joyful and nervous.  People want to already plan and scheme and dream, but my mind kept telling me that the bad news was only around the corner.  As sic

September 4, 2012 So over the past two years, I have continued to realize the importance of words and word choice.  So many people have said offensive things to me about baby issues during this journey.  I know they haven't meant to be offensive or pushy or insensitive because they had no idea what was going on with me.  I know that I've said things over the past 29 years that were offensive or pushy or insensitive because I've not known better also.  There are so many things I will never think or say about anyone on the subject of baby making now that I'm more 'in the know'.  I want to share something my acupuncturist said to me... I had told her that I had an IUI on August 28th and would be able to take a pregnancy test in one week. I was laying on the table about to get needled and she was taking my pulse.  She had the AUDACITY to utter these words.."ooooo, I think you're pregnant" My initial reaction was to slap her across the face