Thoughts on Loss and The Impact of Great Friends
This coming week, I will be saying goodbye to, Lori, one of my closest high school friends, who lost her very hard and determined battle with cancer. Receiving the text last Sunday morning that she had passed away crippled and shocked me to my absolute core. As someone who is rarely at a loss for words (clearly), I've had a really hard time making sense of all this and an even harder time trying to articulate how truly heartbroken I am.
Through my grief, what I keep going to is thinking back to high school and remembering just what an amazing friend she was to me and what a special friendship we had.
High school is a tumultuous time- there's change, hormones, academic and emotional stress, planning for your future, and the hardest part, for me, an anxious perfectionist, was finding where I truly fit- worrying about having a sense of belonging, of community, figuring out who I was and trying to surround yourself with people who accepted and loved me for that.
Lori was absolutely one of those people and thankfully, entered my high school life early.
At our high school, two middle schools merged together in ninth grade- of COURSE, I had no friends in any of my classes (except for this kind of important guy named Josh in my gym class <3 ). This seemed to be a pattern for me- all of my good friends would be in one class or one team or have a couple of classes together and I seemed to be on an island by myself. Did everyone else feel like that or was that the actual case, I have no idea. Anyway, Lori was in my science class. I didn't know much about her for the first several weeks of school other than that she was super smart and with science being my least favorite and most difficult subject, that intimidated me, but also made me want to be sure she knew who I was so maybe we could study together ;) I could tell she was kind enough to be willing to help someone like me out.
That fall, at a football game, we happened to spend some time talking and realized we had a crush on the same guy. For some, this would make an instant enemy, but for us, it made us instant friends. Over the coming months, we got to know each other and bonded over much more than our same crush.
She quickly became one of the most important people in my life and we were blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends to spend time with and share so much together during the next several years. Many of my favorite high school memories have her in it. Some that stick out to me the most are...
- Spending the night at her house- her family welcomed me and I LOVED being there. Since Lori had two older siblings who were off adulting, this made her house quiet and calm which was the complete opposite of my house. I had four younger siblings, the youngest still in early elementary school. I had NO privacy and NO peace so Lori's house was one of my favorite respites. I remember watching countless movies, making THE DIP (which I still frequently make), staying up SUPER late, and indulging in some of my favorite cereals the next morning for breakfast. They always had "Basic Four" or "Raisin Nut Bran," which are still some of my top favorites today.
- Baking with her, her mom, and sister- Lori was sensational in the kitchen and she was a great cook, but in my opinion, an even better baker. I was and still am a terrible baker. They would let me help anyway, probably keeping their fingers crossed I wouldn't do anything to ruin their creation. Over the years I have sampled some wonderful treats courtesy of Lori, my favorite being the GEO Tracker cake she made for my sixteenth surprise birthday party.
- Attending concerts with her- Lori and I shared a LOVE LOVE for music and had similar music taste. Our biggest loves were small bands that not everyone knew. My favorite concerts we attended together was two times I've seen Third Eye Blind. Music, we realized, was one of the things we'd bond over the most.
- Going to sporting events with her- Her boyfriend in high school, who she married, played football and baseball so I attended countless games with her cheering on the Chieftains.
- I have countless amounts of notes we've exchanged between classes, and many pictures to document dances, parties, sleepovers, dinners, etc, etc, etc, and thoughtful gifts from her.
Our most recent shared experience was being pregnant with our children together. Lori's daughter was born just a month before Nolan and Judah were. We got to go to each other's baby showers and re-connect as we were going through pregnancy.
Beyond these great memories and experiences, Lori loved me for exactly who I was; she supported me, encouraged me, challenged me, and took a genuine interest in my life. She was trustworthy, extremely generous, and incredibly kind. The kind of friend that anyone would feel so lucky to be around. I know there are many, many, who feel the exact same way I do. She will always be someone who had an incredible impact on my life and set the bar high for the kind of people I want to surround myself with. I hope you can feel my love, Lori. It has always been there and it always will be.
Through my grief, what I keep going to is thinking back to high school and remembering just what an amazing friend she was to me and what a special friendship we had.
High school is a tumultuous time- there's change, hormones, academic and emotional stress, planning for your future, and the hardest part, for me, an anxious perfectionist, was finding where I truly fit- worrying about having a sense of belonging, of community, figuring out who I was and trying to surround yourself with people who accepted and loved me for that.
Lori was absolutely one of those people and thankfully, entered my high school life early.
At our high school, two middle schools merged together in ninth grade- of COURSE, I had no friends in any of my classes (except for this kind of important guy named Josh in my gym class <3 ). This seemed to be a pattern for me- all of my good friends would be in one class or one team or have a couple of classes together and I seemed to be on an island by myself. Did everyone else feel like that or was that the actual case, I have no idea. Anyway, Lori was in my science class. I didn't know much about her for the first several weeks of school other than that she was super smart and with science being my least favorite and most difficult subject, that intimidated me, but also made me want to be sure she knew who I was so maybe we could study together ;) I could tell she was kind enough to be willing to help someone like me out.
That fall, at a football game, we happened to spend some time talking and realized we had a crush on the same guy. For some, this would make an instant enemy, but for us, it made us instant friends. Over the coming months, we got to know each other and bonded over much more than our same crush.
She quickly became one of the most important people in my life and we were blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends to spend time with and share so much together during the next several years. Many of my favorite high school memories have her in it. Some that stick out to me the most are...
- Spending the night at her house- her family welcomed me and I LOVED being there. Since Lori had two older siblings who were off adulting, this made her house quiet and calm which was the complete opposite of my house. I had four younger siblings, the youngest still in early elementary school. I had NO privacy and NO peace so Lori's house was one of my favorite respites. I remember watching countless movies, making THE DIP (which I still frequently make), staying up SUPER late, and indulging in some of my favorite cereals the next morning for breakfast. They always had "Basic Four" or "Raisin Nut Bran," which are still some of my top favorites today.
- Baking with her, her mom, and sister- Lori was sensational in the kitchen and she was a great cook, but in my opinion, an even better baker. I was and still am a terrible baker. They would let me help anyway, probably keeping their fingers crossed I wouldn't do anything to ruin their creation. Over the years I have sampled some wonderful treats courtesy of Lori, my favorite being the GEO Tracker cake she made for my sixteenth surprise birthday party.
- Attending concerts with her- Lori and I shared a LOVE LOVE for music and had similar music taste. Our biggest loves were small bands that not everyone knew. My favorite concerts we attended together was two times I've seen Third Eye Blind. Music, we realized, was one of the things we'd bond over the most.
- Going to sporting events with her- Her boyfriend in high school, who she married, played football and baseball so I attended countless games with her cheering on the Chieftains.
- I have countless amounts of notes we've exchanged between classes, and many pictures to document dances, parties, sleepovers, dinners, etc, etc, etc, and thoughtful gifts from her.
Our most recent shared experience was being pregnant with our children together. Lori's daughter was born just a month before Nolan and Judah were. We got to go to each other's baby showers and re-connect as we were going through pregnancy.
Beyond these great memories and experiences, Lori loved me for exactly who I was; she supported me, encouraged me, challenged me, and took a genuine interest in my life. She was trustworthy, extremely generous, and incredibly kind. The kind of friend that anyone would feel so lucky to be around. I know there are many, many, who feel the exact same way I do. She will always be someone who had an incredible impact on my life and set the bar high for the kind of people I want to surround myself with. I hope you can feel my love, Lori. It has always been there and it always will be.
Comments
Post a Comment