When the Rabbit Hole Takes You Away From Your Life

If you know me well, you know it took me a looooooooooooong time to get a smart phone. Paying a ridiculous amount of money on internet at home AND internet on my cell phone was too much for my frugal mind to bear. Nope, negative, never. 

Time passed, years actually, and I continued with my non-smart phone. I really didn't mind whatever I was missing out on until I really started to miss out on things. My phone became so outdated that I began not to be able to get any emojis. A small problem, certainly, but when someone would tell me something, it was sometimes hard for me to sense the tone of things. I'd get a box or two, which I knew were emojis, but who knows which ones!? Did she just send me a wink to tell me she was kidding or a mad face to tell me she wasn't? Did he just put the middle finger up or the clapping hands? Those are very different takeaways. 

I also started not being able to get group texts... at all. Think about how often you are texting with several people and then imagine me having NO idea what's going on. I would have to call someone I knew would be kind enough to explain everything to me a second time (thank you to my mom, Eileen and Katie, especially). Or I would have to text one person separately asking to clarification and confirmations of meeting times, locations, plans, news, etc. 

My phone also froze often and the battery life was nowhere near a half a day. 

I Entered the Modern Age

It was time... I knew it. 

I begrudgingly entered the smart age. While I have sort have begun to accept the RIDICULOUS cost of these stupid phones (I literally REFUSED to pay more than $25 for a phone before), I do enjoy the connectedness they bring. I can't believe how well I am able to stay in touch with people I care about. What an amazing world we live in where someone can still feel close to you even if they are so far away. The fact that I am with the times, mostly, when it comes to technology has been incredibly valuable during this pandemic. Thank GOODNESS for things like Zoom, House Party, Google Meet, and FaceTime to be able to stay in touch with friends and family I haven't been seeing in real life.   

But, everything comes at a cost. 

My Most Common Phone Rabbit Holes

As 2021 began and I am thinking SMALL for my #oneword, I've really tried to make some SMALL steps to be aware and reflective of my daily behaviors- what could use tweaking, focus, more discipline, more fostering. My phone use needs work. Period. 

I've noticed, especially lately, how I can get into a rabbit hole so quickly on my phone and minutes and minutes will just pass by.

Here are some of my most common rabbit holes:

• Online shopping- I do not get out much at all so I do a fair amount of online shopping. I get my groceries in person, but most of my clothes, bath products, vitamins, fun things for the kids, presets for others, and cat products for Prim all come primarily from online shopping. I am also a researcher. I make extremely thoughtful decisions on what I buy based on reviews, articles, blah, blah. If I want to buy a new face wash, for example, I search all around for vegan natural products, get the smell just right, make sure it is giving me the vitamins I want, all funneling through a small business at the right price. I have a lot of luck this way, but sheesh can it take me forever sometimes. 

• Instagram- You know what happens there- you see an Instastory from someone you actually KNOW and CARE ABOUT so you watch it and then before you know it, you've watched some Bravolebrity take her kid to school and the sun has set on another day. It's horrible.

• Facebook- This is similar. Again, you pop on to make sure you didn't miss some new adorable picture or announcement from someone you actually KNOW and CARE ABOUT and then you're reading some article about a school across the world that had acts of kindness for homework instead of worksheets.  

• Bachelor Tweets- While this rabbit hole is seasonal, sitting on my phone looking up #bachelor on Twitter after I watch an episode is like the ice cream sundae after a so-so dinner. Oh they make me laugh SO much, but man does time fly when you're having fun. 

When the Rabbit Hole Takes You Away From Your Life

These things are innocent in nature and have nothing but positive intentions behind them, but go south VERY quickly. 

I don't WANT these things to hold any weight in my day to day.

I want only to be present with my children and family and friends. 

I want only to live in the now, to experience each moment.

I knew these rabbit holes were problems for me from time to time, but when iPhones came out with that screen time trackers, I really began to understand. My average screen time made me ill... and embarrassed... and disappointed... and angry... and sad.  

I noticed that my kids were having to repeat themselves to me because I hadn't realized I was looking at my phone instead of looking them in the eye. I noticed that when a text message would ding, I would not always look, but I would be fighting the URGE to look internally. I noticed I would pick up the phone to do something that was quick and important like entering Weight Watchers Points or sending a quick email to one of the kid's teachers and end up on some other app or some other website. I noticed that Josh would be waiting on me to put my phone down so he could talk to me. 

These things weren't happening all the time, but if they were even happening once, it was not okay. 

I am failing and failing BAD. 

Setting Boundaries

So my first step was to make myself set boundaries. I looked at the apps and websites I spend the most time on and put time limits on them to cut the duration in half. I find myself wondering if these were originally designed to help parents set limits for their kids, but I was the one in the need of grounding, in the need of supervision. You can decide to ignore the message that tells you you've reached your limit for the day on something, but at least the announcement is there- you've used up all the time you wanted to on this stupid website so GET OFF! 

My screen time is down... not enough, but it's down. The alert of how fast I can use up my allotted time has brought a lot of self-awareness and reflection, which has been much needed.

I think my next move is maybe have my phone on silent more so I don't hear that someone is trying to talk to me. I'm hoping that will help me check things less.

My People Deserve Better From Me

My kids are little and they want nothing more than my time. They deserve my completely all-in, completely engaged, completely present, completely undivided time. My husband deserves the same. My friends, family, and other loved ones do too. I will never wish I had spent less time with my husband, my kids, my friends, my family, but I certainly already feel like I wish I had spent less time on my stupid phone. 

I never thought I, being someone who never cared about a smart phone, would get to a place where I needed to ground myself from my phone. But, here we are. What limits do you set for yourself to keep from going down a rabbit hole that takes you away from your life?