I am a Woman Facepalming

I pride myself on being pretty on top of things: I'm obsessive, a worrier, a planner, and a control freak.  I work very hard at remembering like everything all the time.  This is a perfect cocktail. #MyCrazy

 To be honest, I rarely forget things, miss things, show up without things, or do anything without being as prepared as one, who is all those things above, might be.  You should see me (or Josh, frankly) plan trips.  It's kinda a freak show of Excel spread sheets, research, top ten sightseeing books, and notes and plans written down and placed in a manilla folder we carry everywhere.  

 I say all of this not to embarrass myself, although I'm sure I have a bit, but so that you can understand how active my brain must be.  It is full all the time- full to the freaking rim.

 I hate it, HATE it when I forget things or don't know things I should know.

 #MyCrazy is my greatest strength and my Achilles heel.

 However, these last several months, I am a different human. 

  Related image 

 This emoji runs supreme with me.  It has become more useful and more descriptive than any of the others.  It encompasses exactly who I am. I didn't know what it was called so I looked it up.  It's official name is "Woman Facepalming."  It is she... and she is me.  

 You guys!  I am a fuzzy-brained mess.  I know pregnancy brain is a real thing but what about after-pregnancy brain?! I am having all kinds of trouble getting my sharpness back. 

 I'm forgetful, I can't keep numbers straight, I lose things, show up without things, leave things all kinds of places, and I need things repeated to me because they have left my cloudy brain quickly.  I need refreshers on conversations and decisions that were made from those conversations.  I'm just a mess.  This makes me feel out of control and out of sorts and I am hating it royally.   

 I go back to work in a few days and I'm kinda terrified.  I have to be with it, sharp, focused- almost sixty eleven and twelve year olds are counting on me to help them get smarter!  That responsibility feels a little heavier this year.  Oh crap. 

 It always takes a bit to bounce back after babies are born, but this is getting a bit ridiculous. 

 Does this fuzzy-ness feel different this time because I'm older? More sleep deprived? Or because having a fourth child just tilted my brain over its capacity?  What is the deal? 

 Deep down I fear- what if this is my new normal?! How will I mange? 

 Then, a part of me is also reassured because I'm worried enough and obsessing enough about my fuzzy brain to complete this entire blog post about it... maybe I'm not so far gone after all ;) 

 Only time will tell...send good vibes... and sticky notes- I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot of them.

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