To Separate or Not to Separate: Reflections

In the fall, I shared with all of you what a difficult decision it was to listen to the advice of the teachers and place Nolan and Judah in separate classrooms. My boys, up until that point, had done literally EVERYTHING together... willingly and by choice.

Here we are, it's June, school is out, and I've been able to really reflect on that decision and how I feel about it now...

At first, that distance between the two of them was difficult and also endearing. They both had a hard adjustment and looked SO forward to recess, lunch, and pick up where they could cling to each other and spend time together. I loved that and hated that all at the same time.

These two walked hand-in-hand almost every day

As the months continued, I began to notice a shift as the boys grew in their confidence and grew in their individuality. I remember vividly talking to them one evening about lunch, trying to sort out why Judah hadn't finished his lunch AGAIN and I was asking Nolan what he saw Judah eat. He said, matter-of-factly, "Judah wasn't sitting with me at lunch." UMMM EXCUSE ME?! I tried to hide my surprise to feel out the situation and they were both so cool about it. They each had been sitting by a friend. No one was upset... no feelings were at all hurt.

I may or may have not gone in the bathroom to have a quick cry. I had to give myself a pep talk to PULL MYSELF TOGETHER- this was what was SUPPOSED to happen, afterall!

Later, I caught wind that they didn't play with each other at recess always either. Again, I was choking back my shock... and tears... and the two of them were completely fine with it all.

Each of them was finding their own voice, their own place, their own friendships, their own self.

I know, I know, I know, this is what is SUPPOSED to happen. I should be jumping up and down... and I am, but the reality is that I'm a little sad too. I don't even really know why. 

Could it be that I'm sad that they aren't each other's everything? Maybe. Sad that they are growing up? Probably. Sad that they aren't as attached to each other twenty-four hours a day? Definitely. 

BOTH of them tried taekwondo this year, but only Judah continued with it.
BOTH of them played soccer, but Judah would much rather pick flowers out there or talk on the bench than actually play whereas Nolan practices almost every single day.

Judah has discovered a deep love and passion for nature, animals, bugs, and all things science.
Nolan would rather have his nose in a book or be talking to anyone who will listen about the Tigers, Michigan State, or the Toronto Raptors winning the NBA Championship. 

Have you enjoyed being on my roller of emotions?! Yeah, me either ;)

The bottom line, though, is this: If you asked me if I'd do it all over again, this separation thing, I would say yes, definitely. I think this is just what they needed- to be more courageous, to put themselves out there, to be OKAY to be separate and try separate things. Even if I'VE had a hard time with all this growing up and branching out, I know deep down it's the right thing for both of them.

The thing is, they still mean SO much to each other it's insane. Nolan is Judah's biggest cheerleader and Judah is Nolan's biggest cheerleader. You could not find two kinder, more supportive brothers that are constantly showing love to one another.

I know this separation thing will continue. I know I will continue to love it and hate it and I will probably need more trips to the bathroom to cry for a minute. But I also have it on pretty good authority that their friendship- the most selfless, loving, loyal friendship I may have ever witness, will continue as well.