Down Memory Lane: Babies Planning for Babies

I have been blessed to know Josh since the first day of 8th grade.  While I did not realize that meeting him in Mr. Martin's 1st hour math class would be the start to actually quite a love story, looking back, it is incredible how woven together the two of us has become.  I have now known Josh for over twenty years, first kissed him eighteen years ago, have been dating him for fourteen years, and married to him for over ten.  

After meeting each other, we spent the rest of middle school being good friends- liking to be around one another, getting to know each other and making each other laugh... a lot!  Well, actually Josh spent it making ME laugh a whole lot.   

Our first picture together- signing each other's yearbooks at the end of 8th grade- 1998

We spent high school with a lot of back and forth, back and forth- trying to figure out how to make our friendship work as more than that.  Thankfully, as we would date and stop dating, date and stop dating, we could continue our friendship- that part never wavered.  

Josh and I at a highschool dance after a football game circa 2000 probably? Sheesh, maybe even 1998 or 1999

In college, we really went through some trying times sorting out exactly what we would be and what we would mean to each other.

Even before we finally started dating again in 2004, for good that time, I knew I was going to marry him.  I can't really say why for sure, but I had absolutely zero doubt.  Really and seriously none.  It's very strange, reflecting on that time when we weren't even together but knowing that once we figured it out, that would be it.  We had this huge history of back and forth and I was still absolutely sure there would be a next time and that one would stick.   

College- him at Hope College, me at Michigan State 

One night we were up late talking on the phone (when I was supposed to be writing yet another paper) and we got on the conversation of what kind of family we would love to have someday.  Again, we weren't even dating yet.  In fact, we were months away from that.  We realized, as we shared our hopes and dreams, that they were aligned.

We both wanted four kids (2 boys and 2 girls, of course).  We also talked about names of future children.  That night, we realized our favorite name, a girls name, was the same.  Actually, as we've talked names over the years, our girl names are spot on with each other.  If we ended up with a house full of girls, picking their names would be easy! So easy! 

Interesting, I don't remember talking about boys names at all that night- that should've been my first clue that a.) we were going to have a bunch of dudes and b.) we were not going to have the same taste in names for boys.  I'll admit that I am a day away from 35 weeks pregnant and we haven't even begun to try to decide on a fourth boys name... send good vibes.

Anyway, here I am, on my last pregnancy- baby #4.  We have arrived at this place we'd talked about fourteen years ago on that very very late night.  It's crazy that we are actually here.

When having that blissful conversation, we had NO idea what would be in store for us. Things like infertility, miscarriage, TWINS, never ever crossed my mind while we were dreaming of our utopia a long long way in the future.  When we were struggling for years to get and stay pregnant, I remember thinking back on that conversation with Josh those years ago and all the hope and optimism that was in my heart back then.  I was so sure- so sure we were going to end up together, so sure we were going to get whatever family we could've ever wanted, so sure it wasn't going to be a problem. 

I am grateful to be sitting here being kicked by baby #4 as I write this and, to be honest, still a little shocked that we could've ever made any of that conversation come true.  None of this happened the way I thought it would or on the timeline I thought it would, but we are here.  That's insane- we are actually here.  

Having four kids someday with this man I wasn't even dating yet was a pretty lofty dream.  I'm a very different person now with a lot more scars and battle wounds from the struggles to build this family, but that girl is still there- the one filled with optimism and hope.  There's a lot of scar tissue and worry and crazy to get to her, but she still exists.  I hope she always does despite how much I try to push her away sometimes.  Making that twenty year old me's dreams come true as we welcome #HundtBaby4 in about a month feels like one of the most incredible and humbling moments of my life. 

It's funny how life can turn out completely different than you ever imagined it and also how much it can turn out exactly as you envisioned- all at the same time.  

Current Life- Easter 2018- so so grateful