Mother's Day 2020

This year I told Josh that the greatest gift I could get for Mother's Day is to be left alone. 

I'm aware that goes very much against what Mother's Day stands for as I would never BE a mother without the four little guys that are always around me. However, on this particular year, with us being home for the last eight weeks, the most amazingly thoughtful thing I thought I could get is some time alone. I am never ever ever alone right now. Never ever ever. 

There is more togetherness in my family than ever. This brings about a lot of joy, but also a lot of frustration. 

I see the joy in how much playing and pretending and imagining my boys are doing together. I see the joy in how everyone is benefiting from consistency and routine and not only family dinners, but lunches as well. 

I see the frustration in the lack of patience from both Josh and I in dealing with the same dysfunction, the same bickering, the same sibling issues over and over. I see the frustration in my boys getting sick of one another.  

Getting alone time and getting breaks from one another has been so important in all our mental health and attitudes. The last several weeks we've been taking about a 45 minute "Me Break" where everyone is in a different room playing solo and quietly. We take it right smack dab in the afternoon where a lot has happened, but there are still several hours until bedtime. It has truly been a Godsend and we've ALL benefited from it.  

I need a break. I think a lot of other parents feel that way right now too.

Today I had dreams of myself sleeping in, getting time to write, read, plan for the coming week, sit in silence, and maybe even take a nap ;) 

I spent much of the day, of my choosing, with my sons. I took each of them on a little date, we call it a raisin. We spent some time on a walk together and some time playing together. Despite thinking that what I wanted most was to be left alone, in actuality, I needed quality time with the people who made me a mom. 

Nolan and I went for a walk around Michigan State
and then worked on a puzzle together

Judah and I will reschedule our walk in the woods (it was pouring rain)
and played with his new Paw Patrol toy

Carter and I walked across a bridge he's been wanting to explore
and then put his new big boy bed together

Preston and I went for a long walk around the neighborhood
and pointed at as many hoops, dogs, and cars as we could

Even though our togetherness is at an all time high right now, we still have a big family- things are busy, hectic, and loud. In all the togetherness, I rarely get one-on-one time with my sons. THAT is actually what I crave more than anything- the quality time not wrapped up in cleaning or school work or hustle and bustle. That authentic bonding time.